[Rhodes22-list] jokes(the true meaning of shit)

Tue, 3 Sep 2002 11:24:21 -0400

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The limousine was taking the beautiful, raven-haired model
to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The
model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road
service. Can you change it yourself?"

The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded
to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off.

The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a
screwdriver?"

He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."

- submitted by Jamie Ward

--
(Mumf note: this next factoid is submitted by probably the
most qualified man I can think of to discuss this timely
topic -- Jon DesLaurier)

Ever wonder where the word "shit" comes from? Well here it
is:

Certain types of manure used to be transported (as
everything was back then) by ship. In dry form it weighs a
lot less, but once water (at sea) hits it, it not only
became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again,
of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was
stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and
did) happen, methane began to build up below decks and the
first time someone came below at night with a lantern,
BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was
discovered what was happening. After that, the bundles of
manure where always stamped with the term "S.H.I.T" on them
which meant to the sailors to "Ship High In Transit." In
other words, high enough off the lower decks so that any
water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile
cargo and start the production of methane.

Bet you didn't know that one. Here I always thought it was a
golf term.

- submitted by Jon "The Fecal Man" DesLaurier

--
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic.
As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment
or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so
sorry, Polly has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you
haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just
be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room,
returning a few moments later with a beautiful black
Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the
dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the
examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to
bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook
his head.

The vet fussed over the dog and took it out, but returned a
few moments later with a cat.

The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the
ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran
out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but like I
said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably dead."

He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's
owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$250!", she cried,
"$250 just to tell me my bird is dead.!!"

The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill
would only have been $50, but what with the Lab report and
the cat scan..."

- submitted by Kevin "Out of the Closet" Haggerty

--
http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

- submitted by Sandy Fraser

--
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded
ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the
embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he
spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew
nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of
a skeleton! Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack,
I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here
with an eight iron!"

- submitted by Dave Houpert

--

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<DIV>The limousine=20
was taking the beautiful, raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway =
there,=20
the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time =
to wait=20
for road service. Can you change it yourself?" The driver =
said,=20
"Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but =
couldn't=20
get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, =
"Do you=20
want a screwdriver?" He said "Sure! But, first I have to =
change this=20
tire." - submitted by Jamie Ward -- (Mumf note: this =
next=20
factoid is submitted by probably the most qualified man I can think =
of to=20
discuss this timely topic -- Jon DesLaurier) Ever wonder where =
the=20
word "shit" comes from? Well here it is: Certain types of =
manure used=20
to be transported (as everything was back then) by ship. In dry form =
it=20
weighs a lot less, but once water (at sea) hits it, it not =
only became=20
heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a =
by-product=20
is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you =
can see=20
what could (and did) happen, methane began to build up below decks =
and=20
the first time someone came below at night with a=20
lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner =
before it=20
was discovered what was happening. After that, the bundles =
of manure where=20
always stamped with the term "S.H.I.T" on them which meant to the =
sailors to=20
"Ship High In Transit." In other words, high enough off the lower =
decks so=20
that any water that came into the hold would not touch this =
volatile cargo=20
and start the production of methane. Bet you didn't know that =
one. Here I=20
always thought it was a golf term. - submitted by Jon "The =
Fecal Man"=20
DesLaurier -- A woman brought a very limp parrot into a =
veterinary=20
clinic. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out=20
his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a =
moment or two,=20
the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has =
passed=20
away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, =
you haven't=20
done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or=20
something." The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left =
the=20
room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful =
black Labrador. As=20
the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind =
legs, put=20
his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot =
from top=20
to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his=20
head. The vet fussed over the dog and took it out, but returned =
a few=20
moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed =
delicately=20
at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and =
ran out of=20
the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but =
like=20
I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably =
dead." He then=20
turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill =
which he=20
handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the =
bill.=20
"$250!", she cried, "$250 just to tell me my bird is =
dead.!!" The vet=20
shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have =
been $50,=20
but what with the Lab report and the cat scan..." - submitted =
by Kevin=20
"Out of the Closet" Haggerty -- <A=20
href=3D"http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman"=20
size=3D3>http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm<=
/A> <FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>- submitted by Sandy =
Fraser -- Off the=20
seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took =
his eight=20
iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost=20
ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, =
he spotted=20
something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered =
that it=20
was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton! Joe immediately called out =
to his=20
friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!" "What's the =
matter?" Jack=20
asked from the edge of the ravine. "Bring me my wedge," Joe =
shouted. "You=20
can't get out of here with an eight iron!" - submitted by Dave =

Houpert<BR><BR>--</FONT><BR></FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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