[Rhodes22-list] Dog Letters to God

[Steve Alm]

He he he, thanks Brad--good one!
Slim

On 3/30/03 3:42 PM, "brad haslett" <flybrad@yahoo.com> wrote:

> Haven't seen this one for a while.  It still makes me
> laugh. Brad
> 
> _____________________________________________________
> 
> 
> Dear God,
> Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever,
> smell one another?
> 
> Dear God,
> When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is
> it the same old story?
> 
> Dear God,
> Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar,
> the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit,
> but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a
> cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would
> it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the
> 'Chrysler Beagle'?
> 
> Dear God,
> If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human
> hears him, is he still a bad dog?
> 
> Dear God,
> We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
> signals,  whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent
> ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
> flight paths. What do humans understand?
> 
> Dear God,
> When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake
> hands to get in? 
> 
> Dear God,
> Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have
> to apologize?
> 
> Dear God,
> Let me give you a list of just some of the things I
> must remember to be a good dog:
>   - I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it
> or after they throw it up.
>   - I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs,
> etc., just because I like the way they smell.
>   - I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty
> litter box; although they are tasty, they are not
> food.
>   - The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
>   - The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom
> and Dad's laps .
>   - The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> 
>   - My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
>   - I will not bite the officer's hand when he
> reaches in for Mom's driver's license and
> registration.
>   - I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear
> when he's on the toilet.
>   - Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an
> acceptable way of saying 'hello.'
>   - I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
> I'm lying under the coffee table.
>   - I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
> entering the house.
>   - I will not throw up in the car.
>   - I will not come in from outside and immediately
> drag my butt across the carpet.
>   - I will not sit in the middle of the living room
> and lick my crotch when company is over.
>   - The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play
> with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a
> good thing.
> 
> Dear God,
> May I have my testicles back?
> 
> 
> 
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