[Rhodes22-list] jokes

Michael Meltzer mjm@michaelmeltzer.com
Thu, 20 Feb 2003 13:10:59 -0500


This is a multi-part message in MIME format.

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At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their
last moments together. They had announced her plane's
departure and standing near the door she said, "Daddy, our
life together has been more than enough. Your love is all
I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."

They kissed good-bye and she left. He walked over toward
the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see
he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his
privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever
say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back
memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for
all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were
limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much
he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever
good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have
challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back
will be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish
you enough'. May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed
down from other generations. My parents used to say it to
everyone."

He paused a moment and looking up as if trying to remember
it in detail, he smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the
other person to have a life filled with enough good things
to sustain them."

He continued and then, turning toward me, he shared the
following as if he were reciting it from memory:
 I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
 I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
 I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
 I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life
appear much bigger.
 I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
 I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
 I wish enough 'Hellos' to get you through the final
'Good-bye.'

He then began to sob and walked away.

- from Carol "I Get Very Mushy When I'm Online" Bagshaw

--
New Bill of Rights

(Mumf note: always bears repeating!)

"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an
attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance
of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe,
promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of
debt free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time
to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for
the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other
liberal, bed wetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot
of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so
dim that they require a Bill of No Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big
screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you
if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be
offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means
freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the
room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.,
but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will
be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from
harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be
more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make
you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and
housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be
found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are
quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of
professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care.
That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing,
we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm
other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or
kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to
see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions
of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or
services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest
of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a
life of leisure.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us
sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you
along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage
of the opportunities of education and vocational training
laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being
an American means that you have the right to PURSUE
happiness -- which by the way, is a lot easier if you are
unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created
by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights,"

If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have
to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I
just think it is about time common sense is allowed to
flourish -- call it the age of reason revisited.

- from Jimi Pocius

--
The Complete Military History of France

- Gallic War - Lost. A predictor of wars to come. France
is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female
schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of
French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when
not led by a Frenchman."

- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only
country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a
participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a
tie on the basis that eventually the other participants
started ignoring her.

- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red
flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War - Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and
Indian War. All lost, but claimed as ties. Three ties in a
row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label
the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave
the French their first taste of a Marlboro, which they
have loved every since.

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite
familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even
though the English colonists saw far more action. This is
later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when
America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the
opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories
(remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a
Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the
role of drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on
a Saturday night.

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is
saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find
out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but
one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use
of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement
in the French bloodline.

- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the
United States and Britain just as they finish learning the
Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness,
take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat
of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the
Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare:
"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to
the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans,
English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent
history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be
safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail
after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

- from Sandy Fraser

--
There is a story many years ago of an elementary teacher.
Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of
her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she
told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at
her students and said that she loved them all the same.
But that was impossible, because there in the front row,
slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy
Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and
noticed that he didn't play well with the other children,
that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed
a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point
where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking
his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then
putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required
to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's
off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she
was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright
child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has
good manners... he is a joy to be around."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent
student, well-liked by his classmates, but he is troubled
because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home
must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has
been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father
doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon
affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn
and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have
many friends and sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was
ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students
brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful
ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present
was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got
from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in
the middle of the other presents. Some of the children
started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with
some of the stones missing and
a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume.

But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed
how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing
some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed
after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs.
Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to."

After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On
that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and
arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs.
Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked
with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she
encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the
year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the
class and, despite her lie that she would love all the
children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's
pets."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy,
telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever
had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy.
He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in
his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had
in his whole life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that
while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in
school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from
college with the highest of honors. He assured
Mrs.Thompson that she was still the best and favorite
teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came.
This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's
degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter
explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher
he ever had. But now his name was a little longer. The
letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet
another letter that spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl
and was going to be married. He explained that his father
had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if
Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the
wedding that was usually reserved for the mother of the
groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what?

She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones
missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume
that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last
Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr.
Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you,
Mrs. Thompson, for believing in me. Thank you so much for
making me feel important and showing me that I could make
a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She
said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who
taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know
how to teach until I met you."

Never underestimate the Power of Purpose..

++
We've got a gazillion dollar airline industry whose job it
is to convey people from one place to another in
airplanes. It does (and has done) this with a safety
record that's truly remarkable. Recent events, however,
have shown us that the world harbors some seriously
deranged people who are willing to climb aboard airplanes
and do really nasty things with them.

Because of this, we've had to give airport security a hard
look. This turned up several problems. One was that, under
harsh scrutiny, "Did you pack your own bag today?" didn't
turn out to be the hardnosed deterrent it was meant to be.
A much more serious problem, however, was the finding that
airport screeners were not well trained, had a horrendous
turnover rate, and were often paid less than janitors
working at the same airport.

Enter Congress - a group renowned for the fact that
rational thought seldom ripples the serene surface of its
collective mind. After looking into the situation, they
said we had to improve airport security. (A good start.)

They said we had to improve the quality of airport
screeners, reduce turnover, and increase their pay. (I was
still with them.)

They said that pork, politics, and partisanship would be
put aside for the good of the country. Airline safety was
going to be the bottom line.  (I had tears in my eyes, my
hand over my heart, and was humming "America the
Beautiful.")

They said, "We're going to turn airline security over to
the federal government." (Do what??)

The federal government, do consider, which is home to: The
Helium Reserve (in case our fleet of battle blimps ever
runs low on helium); Federal Housing (now, in many places,
being dynamited into oblivion); The War on poverty (motto:
"Trillions down the drain and we ain't plugged it yet.");
and the Honey Subsidy (those bees are still suffering) -
to name but a few.

So, Congress federalized airport screeners. Then, in a
move guaranteed to make us feel safer, the Transportation
Security Administration announced that (I couldn't make
this up if I wanted to) airport screeners will not be
required to have high school diplomas. I wonder what the
recruiting posters are going to say? "Didn't finish 9th
grade? Have we got a job for you!" What about entrance
exams? Are they going to have something to do with Lego(s)
and finger-painting?

But wait. There's more. (Mumf note: I love that line -- it
makes me want to buy something on tv in a very compelling
manor!)

To ensure we never offend anyone - particularly fanatics
intent on killing us - airport screeners will not be
allowed to profile people. They will continue random
searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots
with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are
members of the President's security detail and 85-year old
Congressmen with metal hips.

So, as it now stands, we have the Transportation Security
Administration (letterhead: "No way we're flying.") trying
to improve the professionalism of airport screeners by
lowering standards and forbidding the use of common sense
in screening people.

Pause a moment and take the following test.

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Norwegians from Ballard;
(b) Elvis;
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or (d) Muslim
male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy;
(b) Crazed feminists screeching that being able to throw a
grenade beyond its own burst radius was an unfair and
sexist requirement in basic training;
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17
and 40.

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2;"
(b) The Tooth Fairy;
(c) Butch and Sundance who had a few sticks of dynamite
left over from the train thing; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17
and 40.

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were
bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers;
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wee Willie's women
problems;
(c) the WWF, to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the
Merciless;" or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17and 40.

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny,
(b) the Supreme Court of Florida trying to outdo their
attempted hijacking
of the 2000 Presidential election;
(c) Mr. Bean; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17
and 40.

How'd you do? Did you detect a pattern that would indicate
we'd better take a close look at a certain type of
individual who might be boarding an airplane with
something on his mind other than "What's the in-flight
movie?"

You think so?

Horrors! You're nothing more than a closet racist who
could never be hired as an official federal airport
screener. You probably molest goats too - but that's
another column.

So, as it now stands, we have the Transportation Security
Administration (letterhead: "No way we're flying.") trying
to improve the professionalism of airport screeners by
lowering standards and forbidding the use of common sense
in screening people.

Makes sense, right?

Pardon me while I go bang my head against the wall. Maybe
that'll help me understand.

- from Jay Pocius

--
A man from Texas in a Volkswagen Beetle pulls up next to a
guy in a Rolls Royce with Nevada plates at a stop sign.
Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the
Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"

The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."

"I got one too... see?"

"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."

"You got a fax machine?"

"Why, actually, yes, I do."

"I do too! See? It's right here!"

"Uh-huh."

The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the
Volkswagen says, "So, do you have a double bed in back
there?"

And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?"

"Yep, got my double bed right in back here see?" The light
turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off.

Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped,
so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders
them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two
weeks later, the job is finally done, he picks up his car
and drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen beetle
with the Texas plates.

He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls
his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Volkswagen are
all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but
he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the
foggy window of the Volkswagen.

The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack
and peeks out. The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember
me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"

"Check this out...I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."

And the man in the Volkswagen says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE
SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

++
20 Clues a Woman Should Call it a Night...

 1.I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.
 2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and
wiggling my bootay while yelling WOO-HOO is truly the
sexiest dance move around.
 3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and
honestly believe I could do it too.
 4. In my last trip to "pee" I realize I now look more
like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess I was just four
hours ago.
 5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. submarine on the floor (which I'm
eating even though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it
up and carry on eating it.
 6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love
them sooooo much.
 7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to
start work.
 8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting
next to me.
 9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade
teacher.
10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a
table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.
(Mumf note: and encouraged from all the guys at the bar!)
11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their
own so I keep them half closed and think it looks
exotically sexy.
12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good
at it.
13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by
giving me just lemonade, but that's just because I can no
longer taste the gin.
14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like
the kitchen floor.
15. I start every conversation with a booming, "DON'T take
this the WRONG WAY but..."
16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit
on it.
17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I
happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.
19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly
pants to cut down on the time I'm in the bathroom away
from my drink.
20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault
that I'm having problems walking straight.

++
http://www.stopesso.com/funstuff/nose.html

++
Great Pick-up Lines:

 1. Can I buy you a spatula?
 2. Bet you're wondering why I have no nostrils.
 3. You look like the kind of person who appreciates
catheters.
 4. Do you always were socks over your shoes?
 5. Smeep. Smeep. Smeep.
 6. You've stolen my heart, but I have three more back
home in the freezer.
 7. "Flexibility was always my strong suit."
 8. "Wait till you meet Pokey!"
 9. I like cabbage.
10. The voices told me to come talk to you.

++
http://members.aol.com/_ht_b/asksatan/testimon.htm

++
101 Uses for a Condom, (besides the obvious)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 1. Hair tie
 2. Replacement banana peel
 3. Jell-O mold
 4. Sew five together and you have a glove
 5. Slip 'er over a payphone to avoid "NASTY" germs
 6. Bathing cap (if you stretch it in the right manner)
 7. Bean bag chair
 8. Goody bag at children's parties
 9. Neat travel case for your toothbrush
10. Piggy bank
11. Wet suit for a ferret
12. Vacuum/automobile exhaust - balloon rockets
13. Elastic fights...
14. Mouthpiece holder
15. To save farts
16. Finger puppets
17. Travel size shampoo and conditioner holders
18. Fill the sucker with hot wax n a string. Just before
the wax starts to set hard, crank it into a weird shape.
Then let it harden. You'll get a really interesting
candle. Oh, n don forget to grease or powder the inside.
Otherwise, you won get the dang thang off the candle, n
boy, howdy, will it smell funny when ya burn the thang.
19. Pencil case
20. Balloon animals
21. Wrapping paper
22. Water balloon
23. Use it to store that urine sample next time you go to
the doc for a checkup...
24. Flower arrangement piece
25. Life preserver for a squirrel
26. Coffee table, discussion piece
27. Rubber boot for a peg leg
28. Garbage bag (Gets it to the curb)
29. Flea trampoline
30. Nose warmer for an anteater
31. Freezie maker
32. Bungee cord for a hamster
33. Christmas tree ornaments
34. Faulty G.I. Joe parachute
35. Wind sock
36. Make for some funky potato sack races
37. Golf ball carrier (for people who always loose their
balls)
38. Business cards
39. Halloween costume (sew them together and see what you
get)
40. Robbery-stocking mask, for a chicken
41. Latex toe warmers
42. Put small furry animals in them, tie them shut, then
toss 'em in your pool for hours of amusement
43. Saran wrap
44. Back-up small intestine
45. Totes for tots
46. Christmas Stocking (The more it stretches, the more it
holds)
47. Leaf bag for a weed wacker
48. Tenser bandage
49. Stuff, and use to stop drafts under doors
50. Whip
51. Makeshift Barbie clothing (for when Ken's in one of
his moods and looking for something super-slinky, tight
and kinky...) (Mumf query: ?!?)
52. Bracelets
53. Use to transport narcotics across international borders
54. Fill with rocks and use to as a weapon in a crisis
situation
55. Wiener dog coat
56. Kneesock for a chicken
57. Use it to store your favorite piece of feces
58. A place to store and display one's gum collection (or
any other pride and joy...(see above))
59. Funnel
60. Cut a large hole for a garden hose
61. Antenna cover
62. Velcro one to your favorite recliner... and use it as
a remote control holster!!!
63. ...Spread the seeds on, water it, and watch it grow,
it's the NEW chia-condom (different sizes and ribbed
available)
64. Individual storage for hotdogs... for single people...
Gotta hate that freezer burn!!!
65. Makeshift sandbags in the event of a flood
66. To keep candles dry when camping
67. Fill several of them with milk, tie them together,
poke holes in the ends and, Voila... instant udder.
68. Vacuum bag
69. Eye Patch for a pirate
70. Beach Ball
71. Build your own incredible "Water Weenies"
72. Whenever you have the primordial urge to imitate an
elephant
73. Sleeping bag for a snake
74. Emergency hot air balloon
75. Nifty Hairnet
76. To quickly fill water pistols
77. The Great Hot Sauce Bomb (an exciting alternative to
the old "water balloon") filled with your favorite brand
of hot sauce
78. Portable aquarium
79. Night Slippers
80. WEAR my socks for one more day!
81. Blow several of 'em up like balloons and tie 'em all
over the "newlywed" room, leave a note to not pop 'em, but
save 'em in case they run out... Really interesting effect
if you blow up the colored ones, but even your basic
"plain wrapper" turns into a sort of silverish balloon.
For a colorful, glittery effect, you can go all out and
put confetti in some, real festive for a honeymoon... Only
problem is the INSIDES of them taste NASTY -- whatever
that lubricant stuff is, it's not too cool. Worse than the
taste of the powder on the inside of medical gloves (I
know this because I've blown THOSE up to make rooster comb
head thingies for kids in the Emergency Room...))
82. Slingshot
83. Mutant slinky races
84. Canteen on long journeys
85. Smurf toque
86. Bicycle tire tube
87. Change purse
88. Wrap mail parcels
89. Lunch bag
90. Spit tune
91. Mouse trap
92. On Halloween, get the super size, roll it over your
head and go to a costume party dressed as a Peckerhead.
93. Long lasting chewing gum
94. Use it to represent the moon in your home-made solar
system model.
95. A handy barf bag... if you don't puke too much that
is, cause they'd probably tend to build up some nasty
pressure and you'd have to clamp that thing pretty tight
or else...
96. Goodyear Blimp model
97. Cheap beer snuggie
98. For those long car trips that dad hates to stop for
potty breaks, have fun with'em afterwards).
99. To carry your "seeing eye" goldfish.
100. Condoms are used in the army to keep sand and other
things out of the gun barrels... During desert storm
Trojan sent about 1000 cases of them over there
101. It can sure make a handy dandy planter for when you
get that gardening urge

- all from Jimi Pocius

--

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