[Rhodes22-list] Joke: If Airlines Sold Paint

[brad haslett]

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Thankfully I got out of the passenger hauling business
years ago but many of my friends didn't.  Here's an
explanation of why so many of them are either
unemployed or changed careers.  For list readers who
are thinking about a career change to this "gravy
train" I've attached some occupational articles.  Brad

IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT . . .
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? 

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of
things. 

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average
price? 

Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have
60 different prices up to $200 a gallon. 

Customer: What's the difference in the paint? 

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the
same paint. 

Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint. 

Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint? 

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off. 

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint. 

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12
paint? 

Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in
about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start
painting before Friday of that week and continue
painting until at least Sunday. 

Customer: You've got to be *&%#@* kidding! 

Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint
available. 

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see
it! 

Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint
available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on
any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per
gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12
paint. 

Customer: The price went up as we were talking? 

Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules
hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't
actually walked out of the store with your paint yet,
we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your
paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you
want? 

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so
I'll have enough. 

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint
and don't use it, there are penalties and possible
confiscation of the paint you already have. 

Customer: WHAT? 

Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen,
bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop
painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your
remaining gallons of paint. 

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the
paint? I already paid you for it! 

Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our
paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us
all sorts of problems. 

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible
happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday
night! 

Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically
becomes the $200 paint. 

Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from
$10 a liter" signs? 

Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes
in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a
room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is
$20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and
there are no refunds, even on the empty cans. 

Customer: To heck with this! I'll buy what I need
somewhere else! 

Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy
paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen
and dining room from someone else, but you won't be
able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from
anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if
you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a
gallon. 

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was
$200! 

Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the
point at which you started. A hallway is different. 

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but
only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the
remaining paint? 

Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the
difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe
you're getting it now, sir. 

Customer: You're insane! 

Clerk: Thanks for painting with United. 



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