[Rhodes22-list] more jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

As a crowded airliner is about to take-off, the peace is shattered by a
five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No
matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down,
the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man
  in the uniform of a US Navy Chief begins to make his way up the aisle.

  Stopping the frustrated mother's upraised hand, the white haired, courtly,
soft-spoken Chief leans down and, motioning toward his collar, whispers
something into the boy's ear.
  Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly
fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous
applause.

  As the Chief slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin
attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me Chief," she asks quietly, "could I
ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"  The Chief smiled
serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my anchors, service stripes, and
battle ribbons, and then explained to him that they entitled me to throw one
passenger out of the plane."
  ~~~~~~~~~~~
  A young Ensign approaches the crusty old Senior Chief and asked about the
origin of the commissioned officer insignias. "Well," replied the Senior
Chief, "the insignias for the Navy are steeped in history and tradition.

  First, we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable but
also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is
less malleable. Now, when you make Lieutenant, your value doubles, hence the
two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over the military masses, hence the
eagle. As an Admiral, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your
question?"

  "Yes Senior Chief" replied the young Ensign. "But what about Lieutenant
Commander and Commander?"

  "That, sir, goes waaaay back in history - back to the Garden of Eden.
  You see we've always covered unimportant things with leaves."
  ~~~~~~~~
  A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship
together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil
lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says,
"I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

  "Me first!" says the Petty Officer Second Class. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in
the world. " Poof! He's gone.
  "Me next!" says the First Class. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a
beautiful woman." Poof! He's gone.
  "You're next," the Genie says to the Chief.
  The Chief says, "I want those two back on the ship right after lunch."
  ~~~~~~~
  "The Chief and the Gunny"
  An old Chief and an old Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd
had the tougher career.

  "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Gunny declared proudly, "and fought in
three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at
Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood soaked sand, and eventually took out an
entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. As a sergeant, I fought
in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed
  back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border,
always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. Finally, as a gunny
sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through
the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes,
ducking under sniper fire all day and
  mortar fire all night. In a fire fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and
our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

  "Ah," said the Chief with a dismissive wave of his hand, "all shore duty,
huh?"
  ~~~~~~~~~