[Rhodes22-list] SAYINGS OF ZEN

[Clarke, Donald R (Don), NPONS]

> Subject:	SAYINGS OF ZEN 
>   
>   
> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. 
>     Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. 
>     Do not walk beside me either. 
>     Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 
>   
> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a 
>     leaky tire. 
>   
> 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your 
>     neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 
>   
> 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 
>   
> 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be 
>     promoted. 
>   
> 6. No one is listening until you fart. 
>   
> 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 
>   
> 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 
>   
> 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car 
>     payments. 
>   
> 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. 
>      That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their 
>      shoes. 
>   
> 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 
>   
> 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, 
>       and he will sit in a boat and drink beer ! all day. 
>   
> 13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was 
>       probably worth it. 
>   
> 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 
>   
> 15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are a windshield. 
>   
> 16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 
>   
> 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from 
>     &nbs! p; bad judgment. 
>   
> 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it 
>       back in your pocket. 
>   
> 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 
>   
> 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and 
>       it holds the universe together. 
>   
> 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 
>   
> 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are 
>       moving. 
>   
> 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 
>   
> 24. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 
>   
> 25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then 
>       things get worse. 
>   
> 26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on 
>       the same night. 
>   
>  7. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 
> 
> 28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too 
>       seriously. 
>   
> 29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make 
>       a big deal about your birthday...around age 11. 
>   
> 30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 
>   
> THE MOST WASTED DAY OF ALL IS ONE IN WHICH WE HAVE NOT LAUGHED! 
>   
>