[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

http://www.maths.tcd.ie/~col/mathsthings.html

 - from Ron Nichols, who claims it is interesting for math students!

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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow
$5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for
the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is
parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything
checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde
for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee
of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground
garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to
have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but
we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found
that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us, why would you bother to
borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for
two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

++
The new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house
it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his
repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it
and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card
had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of
laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I
was naked."

 - from John Raso

--
A Catholic priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a
requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to
temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding
and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked
the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you
remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations
of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with
my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and
then he said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

 - from Patty Galvin, who claims she has never had a priest....

--
BENEFITS OF GROWING OLDER

 1. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
 2. It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
 3. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
 4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
 5. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
 6. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
 7. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
 8. Things you buy now won't wear out.
 9. You can buy a compass for the dash of your car.
10. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
11. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
12. You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.
13. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
14. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
15. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
16. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
17. You got cable TV for the weather channel.
18. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
19. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
20. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
21. You send money to PBS.
22. You sing along with the elevator music.
23. You talk about "good grass", and you're referring to someone's lawn.
24. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
25. Your back goes out more than you do.
26. Your ears are hairier than your head.
27. Your eyes won't get much worse.
28. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
29. Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
30. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
31. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

 - from Jay Pocius, on behalf of his mother

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