[Rhodes22-list] joke some are going to love "Liberals and Conservatives"

[Michael Meltzer]

The Reason for Depleted Uranium?

From: ranger116 at webtv.net

I would think that those in our government who developed Depleted Uranium
Weapons found them beneficial in three ways, First it creates a uses for our
Nuclear Waste and saves corporate America the cost of storing and
maintaining same. Second it is highly destructive to our enemies and
continues to kill for long after the war is over. And finally, it keeps our
soldiers alive long enough to win the War but not to get old enough to
collect any benefits.

 - from Jimi Pocius

--
I just watched a show on Canadian TV. There was a black comedian who said he
misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the
closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President. Number 1- He
played the sax. Number 2- He smoked weed. Number 3-He had his way with ugly
white women.

Even now look at him ... his wife works, and he doesn't. And, he gets a
check from the government, every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves
this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' most
distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton.
The Dodge Drafter will be in production in Canada this year.

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't
know, I never had one."

American Indians nicknamed Bill Clinton "Walking Eagle" because he is so
full of crap he can't fly.

Clinton lacked only three things to become one of America's finest leaders:
integrity, vision and wisdom.

Clinton was doing the work of three men: Larry, Curly and Moe.

The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I
know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think
you need to know."

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky
between the Bushes

 - from Jimi Pocius

--
Two Louisiana alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller
one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so
much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just
don't get it."

"Well, " said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?"

"Republicans, same as you," replied the small 'gator.

"Hmm. Well, where do ya catch 'em?"

"Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by Boudreaux's."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawls up under one of them pickups and waits fer someone to unlock
the door. Then I jumps out, grabs 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em,
and eats 'em!"

"Ah! " says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't
gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap
out of a Republican, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase!"

 - from Jay Pocius

--
History of Liberals and Conservatives

The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred
some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of
nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer
was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern
civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its
two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented,
so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed. Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue
at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the
conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live
off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's
work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group
therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that
the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that
time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives
fed them. Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white
wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef
well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal menus. Their women
have more testosterone than the men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group
therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in
baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber
jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively
outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives
who want to work for a living.

Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and
decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just
stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A
hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the
owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and
inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate
your master?"

To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been born yet".