[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

In the Beginning...

There was The Plan.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without Form.
And the Plan was completely without Substance.
And The Darkness was upon the face of The Workers.
And they Spake among Themselves, Saying, "It is a Crock of bull, And it
Stinketh."
And The Workers went unto their Supervisors and Sayeth, "It is a Pail of
Dung and none may Abide the Odour Thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and Sayeth unto them, "It is a
Container of Excrement and It is very strong, Such
that None may Abide by It."
And the Managers went unto their Directors and Sayeth, "It is a Vessel of
Fertilizer, and None may Abide Its Strength."
And the Directors spoke amongst Themselves, Saying One to Another, "It
contains That Which Aids Plant Growth, and It is Very Strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and Sayeth unto Them, "It
promotes Growth and is Very Powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and Sayeth unto Him, "This
New Plan will actively promote the Growth and Efficiency of This Company,
and These Areas in Particular."
And The President looked upon The Plan And Saw that It Was Good.
And The Plan Became Policy.

This is how Shit Happens.

 - from Jay Pocius

--
Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and
found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back
in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All
of a sudden.....POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman
appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those
buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for
your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any
butter for your toast for the rest of your life.......As a matter of fact,
you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!!!

Then POOF!......she was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred,
where are you?"

Fred yells back "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

Dave shouts back, "DON'T SWING, Fred -- for the love of God, DON'T SWING!"

 - from Jimi Pocius

--
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about
who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than
women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...
When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it
around, then pull it out, which feels better -- your ear or your finger?"


 - from Patty Galvin