[Rhodes22-list] Memorial Day Salute to Soldiers

[brad haslett]

There's an airline joke going around about the
terrorist arrested at an airport impersonating a
pilot.  They noticed him because he was actually
buying a USA Today.  I read it because the hotels
provide it free and you have to step over it to leave
the room, "what-the-hell", may as well pick it up. 
The following article is from the USA Today and I
applaud them for publishing it. You can link to the
article to get the photo of the Marine and his
children. Brad

    
'For love and for country'
By Kathryn Roth-Douquet

Two months ago, my husband read our children a bedtime
story until the tears in his eyes blurred the page. My
daughter took the book from him.
 
"Daddy, I'll finish it for you," 7-year-old Sophie
said. When she was done, my husband, Greg, rocked her
and her younger brother, Charley, and held us all for
a long goodnight kiss. Then he picked up his sea bag
and walked out the door — to his car, to an air base,
and to a plane that carried him to Iraq.

Seventeen thousand families in southeastern North
Carolina are, like mine, sending someone to Iraq this
spring. The country may think of them, and especially
of the ones who don't come home, as we mark another
Memorial Day at wartime.

The country is divided into separate pockets, some
communities shipping folks off to war, and others —
like those from my pre-marriage days — witnessing the
war on television, fought by strangers. For families
in those other ZIP codes, the military life can sound
both scary and pitiable.

But there is more to our story.

True, it is wrenching for families to send the people
they love to war. As Frank Schaeffer, author of Faith
of Our Sons: A Father's Wartime Diary, says of his
Marine son, "He is my heart; he is the best I have to
offer."

This echoes the bumper stickers in my neighborhood
that read, "Half of my heart is in Iraq." It is hard
to have your heart far away, so we who stay home
welcome your support. But neither I nor the military
wives with whom I regularly talk want pity, neither
for what we do nor the reasons we do it.

Mommy and Daddy 

"What we do" is easily understood, even by those who
don't live it: We are both Mommy and Daddy to little
ones who may be sad or mad that a parent is gone. We
keep the household together, repair washing machines
and cars. We volunteer; many of us hold demanding
jobs. We e-mail our husbands, assuring them all is
well; we send them kids' crayon drawings and cigars,
and toys for Iraqi children. Some days we're
overwhelmed; other days, we pull it off.

Why we do this, however, is a little less understood.
We are motivated by the same reasons for which people
have put themselves at risk through history: for love
and for country. The love is for our husbands, who
work with skill, discipline and determination, at a
real personal cost.

The love is also for their fellow Marines. To watch a
unit prepare for war is to come to care about everyone
in it. Stateside, I have seen the men and women in my
husband's squadron live in an environment that lacks
comfort and glamour, yet strive to be their best — for
the sake of their lives, each other, and the success
of the mission the country asks them to do.

In their home hangar, these Marines walk up and down
concrete steps that are literally stenciled with words
to live by: honor, commitment, duty, fidelity,
courage, respect. They talk about these words and try
to live up to them. These are real people, with real
flaws. But they wanted to go to Iraq and complete
their missions. And they want to bring each other
home.

Where he needs to be 

Would I take my husband away from these men and women?
No, I wouldn't. I think he and they are better off by
having each other there. I am proud of them all.

The fact that we send our husbands to war for the sake
of our country may confound some people, since about
half of the country wouldn't send soldiers to Iraq at
all. Many military wives, too, have ambivalent
feelings about the current fight. But that's exactly
the point. Our position on any given policy is just
that — our opinion — and what transcends opinion and
politics is our commitment to serve.

"Looking back, I would not have changed our lives one
bit," says my friend Ingrid Mollahan, a 26-year Marine
Corps spouse beginning her eighth six-month-plus
separation from her husband. "I truly believe we have
made a positive contribution to the nation and the
world by our service."

That's a feeling many of us share. A recent Military
Times Media Grouppoll found three-quarters of those on
regular active duty would re-enlist or extend their
commissions tomorrow if asked. Why? Not for money,
security, or even for the global war on terror. The
reason for their service is the service itself. The
poll called it "patriotism."

Military families make the conscious decision to be
engaged in "extreme citizenship." When we are called,
we will stand. We choose this life understanding that
there is a constitutional role for the military. That
role is not to make policy, but to respond with
ability and honor when called to action by our
nation's elected leaders. No one — war critic or
advocate — could want the military to behave
otherwise. It's called civilian control of the
military, and it's a bulwark of our democracy.

I once helped to elect a president of the United
States, which is admittedly a much flashier experience
than being a military wife. But the sense of privilege
that I felt at being part of that American pageant —
from walking through the empty West Wing of the White
House on inauguration day to flying on Air Force One —
was no greater a feeling than the one I feel today, in
a different role for my country.

'War is no skinned knee' 

In the wonderful parenting book The Blessing of a
Skinned Knee, author Wendy Mogel argues that trying to
protect our children from hurt and difficulty is a
mistake. Trials, she writes, are opportunities for
character development and growth. I've learned that
this lesson applies to grown-ups, too. War is no
skinned knee. It's hard. But for my family, I think
this experience has required us to be better people.

So the odd thing is, while my family — most military
families — struggle in ways, we gain in others for the
sacrifices we make. We're hopeful that the country and
the world will gain from it, too. Yes, there is a
limit to how much a small group can sacrifice, and we
may be close to or over that limit. But we will
continue to do our best, hoping for wisdom from our
leaders and fellow citizens, and waiting faithfully
for our Marines to come home.

Kathryn Roth-Douquet is an attorney and former aide
who served in the Clinton White House and the
Department of Defense.
 
 

  
 
  
 

  
Find this article at: 
http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/editorials/2005-05-25-douquet-edit_x.htm
 
  



		
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