[Rhodes22-list] Jokes

[brad haslett]

Subject: The Maintenance Monkey


A man walked into a pet store and was looking at the
animals on display.

While he was there, a Chief Master Sergeant (CM Sgt)
from the local airbase walked in and said to the
shopkeeper, "I'll take a maintenance monkey, please."
The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the 
store and took out a monkey.  He put a collar and
leash on the animal and handed it the CM Sgt saying,
"That'll be $5,000." The CM Sgt paid 
and left with the monkey.

Surprised, the man went to the shopkeeper and said,
"That was a very expensive monkey.  Most of them are
only a few hundred dollars.  Why did 
that one cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that's a maintenance
monkey.  He can rig aircraft flight controls, score 95
on the AF CDC test; perform the duties of any MX
officer with no back talk or complaints. It's well
worth the money.

The man spotted a monkey in another cage.  "That one's
even more expensive--$10,000! What does it do?"  "Oh,
that one is a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey!  It can
instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise
maintenance at the unit, intermediate, and depot
level, and even do most of the paperwork.  A very
useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.

The man looked around a little longer and found a
third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, "$50,000."
The shocked tourist exclaimed, "That 
one costs more than all the others put together! What
in the world does it do?"

"Well, I've never actually seen him do anything but
drink beer and play with his pecker, but his papers
say he's a pilot... "


---------------------
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly
Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in
sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and 
jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that
I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom
of Heaven?"  The guy replies, "I'm Joey Shasta,
retired pilot, of Pittsburgh PA."  Saint Peter
consults his list.He smiles and says to the pilot,
"Take this silken robe and golden staff and
enter the Kingdom."  The pilot goes into Heaven with
his robe and staff.

Next it's the minister's turn.  He stands erect and
booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's
for the last 43 years."  Saint Peter consults
his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton
robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom." "Just a
minute," says the minister.  "That man was
a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff.
How can this be?"

Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While
you preached, people slept; while he flew, people
prayed





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