[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[michael meltzer]

You may not know that many non-living things have a
gender; for 
example...

 1. ZIPLOC BAGS -- are Male, because they hold
everything in, but you 
can
see right through them.
 2. COPIERS -- are Female, because once turned off, it
takes a while to 
warm
them up again. It's an effective reproductive device
if the right 
buttons
are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons
are pushed.
 3. TIRES-- are Male, because they go bald and are
often over-inflated.
 4. HOT AIR BALLOONS -- are Male, because, to get them
to go anywhere, 
you
have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's
the hot air part.
 5 SPONGES-- are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain 
water.
 6. WEB PAGES -- are Female, because they're always
getting hit on.
 7. SUBWAYS-- are Male, because they use the same old
lines to pick up
people.
 8. HOURGLASSES -- are Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to 
the
bottom.
 9. HAMMERS -- are Male, because they haven't changed
much over the 
last
5,000 years, but are handy to have around.
10. REMOTE CONTROLS -- are Female...Ha! You thought
they'd be male. 
However,
consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost
without it, and 
while
he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying.

============================================================
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say
the F... word? 
Get
another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

--
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a
gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her
out since he sat 
down,
lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying
out of its socket
towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air,
and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her
eye back in 
place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she
says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards
they go to the
theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she
shares her 
deepest
dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would
like to come to 
her
place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all
the trimmings. The 
guy
is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!

"You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are
you this nice to 
every
guy you meet?"

"No, " she replies. "You just happened to catch my
eye."




		
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