[Rhodes22-list] Politics: Revocation of Independence (political)

[mtroy at atlanticbb.net]

I was about to mention that version. My favorite. Great 
album! Turned my head around when it came out. No sailing 
songs though.

ML


On Fri, 29 Sep 2006 18:47:57 -0500
  Ronald Lipton <rlipton at earthlink.net> wrote:
> great song, doc Watson does a good version on "Will the 
>circle be unborken"
> 
> Ron
> On Sep 29, 2006, at 6:37 PM, Herb Parsons wrote:
> 
>> Wow!! Now THAT takes me back. When I was a kid, probably 
>>8 or so, the 
>> Tennessee Stud was one of my favorite songs. When I got 
>>older, I 
>> thought maybe it was just some weird song I'd heard 
>>somewhere, because 
>> I never heard it ANYWHERE except on my mother's old Eddy 
>>Arnold album, 
>> that she'd long since lost. Thought maybe it was a weird 
>>dream or 
>> something. Good to know it actually existed.
>>
>>
>> Herb Parsons
>>
>> S/V O'Jure
>> 1976 O'Day 25
>> Lake Grapevine, N TX
>>
>> S/V Reve de Papa
>> 1971 Coronado 35
>> Lake Pontchartrain, Louisiana Coast
>>
>>>>> rlipton at earthlink.net 9/29/2006 6:25:15 pm >>>
>> Jimmy also wrote "Tennesse Stud" and "he Had a Long 
>>Chain on".  He
>> started as a high school history teacher and evidently 
>>wrote "New
>> Orleans"
>> as a teaching tool.
>>
>> Ron
>> On Sep 29, 2006, at 4:26 PM, Brad Haslett wrote:
>>
>>> Herb,
>>>
>>> Here's an MP3 of Jimmy Driftwood who wrote the Horton 
>>>song.  I'll
>>> always
>>> have a soft spot in my heart for Arkansas.  They've 
>>>forgiven
>>> themselves for
>>> Billy and only wish he'd take his double-wide to 
>>>tomorrow's blow job
>>> down
>>> river. Driftwood grew-up in Mountain View.  MV is as 
>>>beautiful a place
>>> in
>>> the world as any.  Trout fishing at Gastons anyone?
>>>
>>> Brad
>>>
>>>
>>> http://encyclopediaofarkansas.net/media/gallery/Audio/
>>> jimmy_driftwood_song.mp3
>>>
>>> On 9/29/06, Herb Parsons <hparsons at parsonsys.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Dear forgetful writer. How many times do you guys have 
>>>>to get your
>>>> asses
>>>> kicked before you realize you lost?
>>>>
>>>> As brother Jimmy Horton said:
>>>>
>>>> "We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
>>>> There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
>>>> We fired once more and they began to runnin'
>>>> down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico."
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Herb Parsons
>>>>
>>>> S/V O'Jure
>>>> 1976 O'Day 25
>>>> Lake Grapevine, N TX
>>>>
>>>> S/V Reve de Papa
>>>> 1971 Coronado 35
>>>> Lake Pontchartrain, Louisiana Coast
>>>>
>>>>>>> bill at effros.com 9/29/2006 1:19:50 pm >>>
>>>> To the citizens of the United States of America
>>>>
>>>> In light of your failure to elect a competent President 
>>>>of the USA 
>>>> and
>>>> thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the 
>>>>revocation of
>>>> your independence, effective immediately.
>>>>
>>>> Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume 
>>>>monarchical
>>>> duties over all states, commonwealths and other 
>>>>territories (except
>>>> Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
>>>>
>>>> Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a 
>>>>governor for
>>>> America
>>>> without the need for further elections. Congress and the 
>>>>Senate will
>>>> be
>>>> disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year 
>>>>to determine
>>>> whether any of you noticed.
>>>>
>>>> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, 
>>>>the following
>>>> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>>>>
>>>> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English 
>>>>Dictionary.
>>>> Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation 
>>>>guide. You will
>>>> be
>>>> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
>>>>
>>>> 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in wRevords such as 
>>>>'colour',
>>>> 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to 
>>>>spell 
>>>> 'doughnut'
>>>> without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" 
>>>>will be
>>>> replaced
>>>> by the suffix "ise."
>>>>
>>>> 3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 
>>>>'burra'; you
>>>> may
>>>> elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find 
>>>>you simply
>>>> can't
>>>> cope with correct pronunciation.
>>>>
>>>> 4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your 
>>>>vocabulary to
>>>> acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same 
>>>>twenty-seven
>>>> words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and 
>>>>"you know" 
>>>> is
>>>> unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
>>>>
>>>> 5.There is no such thing as "US English." We will let 
>>>>Microsoft know
>>>> on
>>>> your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be 
>>>>adjusted to take
>>>> account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination 
>>>>of "-ize."
>>>>
>>>> 6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God 
>>>>Save The
>>>> Queen",
>>>> but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
>>>>
>>>> 7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. 
>>>>November 2nd
>>>> will
>>>> be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only 
>>>>inEngland. It
>>>> will
>>>> be called "Come-Uppance Day."
>>>>
>>>> 8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without 
>>>>using guns,
>>>> lawyers
>>>> or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers 
>>>>and therapists
>>>> shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. 
>>>>Guns should 
>>>> only
>>>> be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort 
>>>>things out
>>>> without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then 
>>>>you're not 
>>>> grown
>>>> up enough to handle a gun.
>>>>
>>>> 9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or 
>>>>carry anything
>>>> more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be 
>>>>required if
>>>> you
>>>> wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>>>>
>>>> 10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap 
>>>>and this is 
>>>> for
>>>> your own good. When we show you German cars, you will 
>>>>understand what
>>>> we
>>>> mean.
>>>>
>>>> 11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, 
>>>>and you will
>>>> start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the 
>>>>same time, 
>>>> you
>>>> will go metric immediately and without the benefit of 
>>>>conversion
>>>> tables.
>>>> Both roundabouts and metrication will help you 
>>>>understand the British
>>>> sense of humour.
>>>>
>>>> 12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which 
>>>>you have 
>>>> been
>>>> calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to 
>>>>it.
>>>>
>>>> 13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you 
>>>>call French
>>>> fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on 
>>>>calling
>>>> potato
>>>> chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick 
>>>>cut, fried 
>>>> in
>>>> animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with 
>>>>vinegar.
>>>>
>>>> 14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more 
>>>>aggressive with
>>>> customers.
>>>>
>>>> 15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer 
>>>>is not
>>>> actually
>>>> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will 
>>>>be referred
>>>> to
>>>> as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted 
>>>>provenance will 
>>>> be
>>>> referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred 
>>>>to as
>>>> "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold 
>>>>without risk of
>>>> further confusion.
>>>>
>>>> 16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast 
>>>>English actors as
>>>> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast 
>>>>English actors to
>>>> play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell 
>>>>attempt English
>>>> dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an 
>>>>experience akin to
>>>> having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
>>>>
>>>> 17. You will cease playing American "football." There is 
>>>>only one 
>>>> kind
>>>> of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you 
>>>>brave enough
>>>> will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has 
>>>>some
>>>> similarities to American "football", but does not 
>>>>involve stopping
>>>> for a
>>>> rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body 
>>>>armour like a
>>>> bunch of nancies).
>>>>
>>>> 18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not 
>>>>reasonable to
>>>> host an event called the "World Series" for a game which 
>>>>is not 
>>>> played
>>>> outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware 
>>>>that there is a
>>>> world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
>>>>
>>>> 19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving 
>>>>us mad.
>>>>
>>>> 20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from 
>>>>Her Majesty's
>>>> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the 
>>>>acquisition of all
>>>> monies due backdated to 1776.
>>>>
>>>> Thank you for your co-operation.
>>>>
>>>> (Not written by me, not written by John Cleese, 
>>>>either--just passed
>>>> along.)
>>>>
>>>> Bill Effros
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