[Rhodes22-list] Jokes

[Brad Haslett]

Some of these are old but still good.  Glad to see them re-cycled.  Brad

-----------------------------

"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"

"It is."

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I can."

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do."

"Is he a member of your congregation?"


"He is."

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church ?"

"He will."




*CONFESSION*

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following
conversation ensues:

; Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years,
many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked
up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with
each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm telling everybody."



*BROTHEL TRIP*

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he
would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient
man and asks how old he ! is. "I'm 90 years ol d," he says.

"90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"



*SENILITY*

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm
getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when
you forget to zip down."



PEST CONTROL*

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from
a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom
together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" and
she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became
suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in! the
closet.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm an inspector from Termite Busters," said the
exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a ! complaint about an infestation of
moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little
bastards."



<>*TWO SCOTTISH NUNS*

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one
says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat
dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in
America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog
vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in
foil and hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to
unwrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins
to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and
whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to
file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you
a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc.
and then asks: "What is your occupation?"

"I'm a whore," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, "No, No, No, that won't
work.
Let's try to re-phrase that"

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken
farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a
prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is."