[Rhodes22-list] All puns intended. (Humor)

[R22RumRunner at aol.com]

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted  in  Linoleum  
 
Blownapart.

 
I wondered why the baseball  was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 
Police were called to a  daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a

 
rest.

 
Did you hear about the guy whose  whole left side was cut off?  He's

 
all right  now.

 
The roundest knight at King Arthur's  round table was Sir  Cumference.

 
To write with a broken pencil is  pointless.

 
When fish are in schools they  sometimes take debate.

 
The short fortune teller who escaped  from prison was a small medium

 
at large.

 
A thief who stole a calendar got  twelve months

 
The thief fell and broke his leg in  wet cement. He became a hardened

 
criminal.

 
Thieves who steal corn from a  garden could be charged with stalking.

 
We'll never run out of math teachers  because they always multiply.

 
When the smog lifts in Los  Angeles , U C L  A.

 
The math professor went crazy  with the blackboard. He did a number on

 
it.

 
The dead batteries were given out  free of charge.

 
If you take a laptop computer  for a run you could jog your memory.

 
A dentist and a manicurist  fought tooth and nail.

 
What's the definition of a will?  (It's a dead giveaway)

 
Time flies like an arrow;  fruit flies like a banana.

 
A backward poet writes  inverse.

 
A chicken crossing the road:  poultry in motion.

 
If you don't pay your exorcist  you can get repossessed.

 
With her marriage she got a  new name and a dress.

 
Show me a piano falling down a mine  shaft and I'll show you A-flat

 
miner.

 
When a clock is hungry it goes back  four seconds.

 
The guy who fell onto an  upholstery machine was fully recovered.

 
He broke into song because he  couldn't find the key.

 
A lot of money is tainted:  'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

 
A boiled egg is hard to  beat.

 
He had a photographic memory  which was never developed.

 
A plateau is a high form of  flattery

 
Those who get too big for  their britches will be exposed in the end.

 
When you've seen one shopping center  you've seen a mall.

 
When she saw her first strands  of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

 
Bakers trade bread recipes on  a knead to know basis






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