[Rhodes22-list] Duhhhh!

[Brad Haslett]

You need a study to figure this out?  They could of just asked!  Brad

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Marriage: It's Only Going to Get Worse

By Jeanna Bryner <http://www.livescience.com/php/contactus/author.php?r=jbr>,
LiveScience Staff Writer

posted: 05 February 2008 02:19 pm ET

<http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url=http%3A//www.livescience.com/health/080205-spouse-negative.html&title=Marriage%3A%20It%27s%20Only%20Going%20to%20Get%20Worse>
If your spouse already bugs you now, the future is bleak. New research
suggests couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the
longer they are together.

The same trend was not found for relationships with
children<http://www.livescience.com/health/071109-women-children.html>or
friends.

The study results could be a consequence of accumulated contact with a
spouse, such that the nitpicking or frequent demands that once triggered
just a mild chafe develops into a major pain. But accumulated irritation has
its silver lining.

"As we age and become closer and more comfortable with one another, it could
be that we're more able to express ourselves to each other," said lead study
author Kira Birditt, a research fellow at the University of Michigan's
Institute for Social Research. "In other words, it's possible that
negativity is a normal aspect of close relationships that include a great
deal of daily contact."

Rather than breeding unhappy couples and ill health, the increase in
negativity could be a normal part of
relationships<http://www.livescience.com/health/080123-spouse-fights.html>.


"Because we found that pattern was overall among the participants, it
appears to be normative. It's not something unusual that happens," Birditt
said.

*Relationship report*

Birditt and U-M colleagues Lisa Jackey and Toni Antonucci looked at how
negative views of
spouses<http://www.livescience.com/health/060314_happy_marriage.html>,
friends and children changed over time and among different age groups,
including young adults (ages 20 to 39), middle-aged adults (40 to 59) and
older adults (60 and over).

The researchers analyzed responses collected in 1992 and 2005 as part of the
Social Relations and Health Over the Life Course study, a regionally
representative sample of people from the greater Detroit metropolitan area.

More than 800 individuals indicated the level of negativity in
relationships<http://www.livescience.com/health/070727_household_chores.html>with
their spouses or partners, children and best friends. Participants
also
noted whether or not their responses referred to the same spouse, child and
friend during the 2005 interviews.

Each participant rated how strongly they agreed or disagreed with two
statements:

   - "My (spouse/partner, child, friend) gets on my nerves."
   - "My (spouse/partner, child, friend) makes too many demands on me."

 *Irksome partners*

In all age groups, individuals reported viewing their spouse as the most
negative compared with children and friends. The negative view of spouses
tended to increase over time.

"We were surprised because in the gerontological research, it suggests that
as people age they get better at regulating their emotions and experience
less negative relationships," Birditt told *LiveScience*. "But we found that
it depends on which relationship you're looking at."

As relationships with spouses became more negative, relationships with
children and friends seemed to become less demanding and irritating over
time. Negativity toward friends decreases over time partially because we can
continuously choose and weed our friends, ditching those pals who are
irritating, according to the researchers.

"Relationships with children may become less negative because of role
changes as children move through adolescence and young adulthood, grow and
mature, usually becoming more stable and independent," Birditt explained.
Kids moving out didn't seem to impact spousal negativity, however, as the
researchers found the same trend for spouses irrespective of the age group.

Participants in their 20s and 30s reported having the most negative
relationships overall. Older adults had the least negative relationships
with spouses, children and friends. Past research by Birditt and others has
shown that older adults are more likely to report less conflict in their
relationships compared with younger adults.

"Older adults are more likely than younger people to report that they try to
deal with conflict by avoiding confrontations, rather than by discussing
problems," Birditt said.

In general, the longer partners stay together, the more they have to deal
with the other's idiosyncrasies, for instance. "When you're living together,
it's a lot harder to avoid each other," Birditt said.

The research was presented in November at an annual meeting of the
Gerontological Society of America, and it has also been submitted to a
journal for publication.