[Rhodes22-list] New Career

[Brad Haslett]

Don't knock WalMart.  That's my next career and this may be the model for my
application.  Brad

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* NAME*: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)*

SEX*: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)*

DESIRED POSITION*: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available . If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place *

DESIRED SALARY*: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle. *

EDUCATION*: Yes. *

LAST POSITION HELD*: Target for middle management hostility.*

PREVIOUS SALARY*: A lot less than I'm worth. *

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT*: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes. *

REASON FOR LEAVING*: It sucked. *

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK*: Any. *

PREFERRED HOURS*: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.*

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: *Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment . *

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER*?: If I had one, would I be here? *

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs.?:*Of what? *

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: *I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do
you have a car that runs?' *

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION*?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. *

DO YOU SMOKE*?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes! *

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS*?: Living in the Bahamas with
a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. *

NEAREST RELATIVE*....7 miles *

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: *Oh yes, absolutely.