[Rhodes22-list] ss report: Waiting for Detelin

[Chris Geankoplis]

Stan,
    It has been a long time since I've really laughed out loud at an e-mail.
Thanks so much for sharing your adventure and your wit about the half wits
of the world. Do keep it comming.

Chris G.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "stan" <stan at rhodes22.com>
To: "The Rhodes 22 mail list" <rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org>
Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2008 11:33 AM
Subject: [Rhodes22-list] ss report: Waiting for Detelin


> (for when the List gets too quiet)
>
>
>  "Dido" is no longer with us.  He has moved on (with our blessings) to a
better job with "Regulator" on the other side of town.   Rose and I had gone
to the airport to pick him up.  He was coming in from Dulles on the last leg
of his usual flight pattern from Bulgaria.  The flight was scheduled to
arrive at 6:02 and I played it safe by arriving at ORF at 5 pm.  (Rose had
finally found out that ORF is code for Norfolk International.   What a
beautiful Airport.   I would have named it JKI (Joyce Kilmer International).
The architectural firm had been handed an unspoiled waterfront section of
town with the instructions to save every possible tree.   And so they did.
The entrance road, winding around water ways and under tall leafy limbs,
makes its way to a beautiful terminal, in turn connected by a long covered
moving sidewalk to parking and baggage buildings tucked in this gem of an
airport, whose warts I was soon to discover.
>
>     The first thing I noticed when the moving sidewalk ejected me into the
arrival and departure chapel's upper terminal floor was the yellow notice
advising that United 7239 was going to be one half hour early.   I had never
heard of a flight being early.   Well not a one hour flight being a half
hour early !   Even I, who had the US Navy Air Corp on my resume, knew
something was wrong in Denmark, or at least in Bulgaria.   All of the
terminal schedule displays were in agreement:  United flight 7239 arriving
from Dulles was going to be a half hour early.   Good thing we came early.
With my computer disturbed by the math, I kept checking and rechecking the
displays until, low and behold, the yellow sign disappeared and the flight
was now listed as being on time.
>
>     Rose and I settled into the first two seats this side of the security
border so no arrivees could pass us undetected.   Flight after flight
unloaded.   No Dido.   Having lost trust in the schedule displays I
continued checking for changes.   When a flight arrived the sign would say,
"Landed".   No such sign for my now overdue flight.   In fact all of a
sudden my flight completely disappeared from all screens.   Surely, with all
these bright faced, tagged, uniformed airport personnel randomly flying
around inside the terminal I would quickly find out Dido's fate and the fate
of United's 7239, off the screen
> somewhere between Washington and Norfolk.
>
>     The easiest person to ask was the attendant at the security gate.   He
said he works for a different company and has no idea.   I noticed a sign
that said this way to "Information", a few football fields to the east.  The
lone attendant, whose uniformed chest was loaded with military medals, said
that he worked for another company and according to his computer, that
flight had landed on time.   He was not interested in understanding why the
schedule displays had missed this; they worked for a different  company.   I
had a bright idea.   I would take the external elevator for its full one
floor run to the United ticket counter underneath me.  It was a two second
trip but I concluded the view made the cost of this glass walled theme park
ride worth every penny that it must have cost.
>
>     At United's ticket counter neither of the two parallel lines of
potential flyers was moving so I bullied my way to one of the three
attendants.   He said he worked for a different company and left.  The
second attendant admitted working for United and said that that flight had
not landed, that the non moving lines were waiting to take that flight back
to wherever it had come from and that there was much snow in Chicago where
that flight from Dulles originated and that that plane has just now made it
into the Chicago air and that it would be very late tonight before it landed
in Norfolk since it still had to make it to Dulles.  At least she didn't
work for a different company.   She worked for United - I would go with her.
And I would be a good citizen and go back and bring the Information bunker
up to speed.   But another look at his computer confirmed again, at least
for the Information attendant, that 7239 had landed.   He explained that the
company he works for has t
>  o go with the company the computer works for no matter what the company
the ticket lady works for says.
>
>     I asked him to call the pilot's lounge and see if they knew anything
and he said he can not do that.  The tower?  He said he can't do that.
Chicago?  He said he does not have that number.  He said I should go back to
United and ask them to verify their story.   So back I made it to the United
ticket line.  They seemed to be busy giving refunds but I went to the front
of the line and the helpful lady went back to the computer - the flight was
somewhere in the air and she had no fixed time of arrival yet and that I
should go home and come back later.  Home was hours away in NC so I decided
to make one final visit to Information who stuck to his story that the
flight had landed.  I asked if there was some sort of court of appeals I
could take my case to - he said no such higher authority.   In a fit of
humorous creativity I asked if there was a lower authority I could go to,
like "baggage".   To my surprise the Information attendant was impressed, so
off I hiked to the tiny
>   United baggage office which turned out to be conveniently located at the
farthest end of the complex.  By now most of the airport was closed down and
all the commercial booths were under tarps but the United baggage office
light was on and the office door was open and there was a nice lady behind
the counter shuffling luggage.
>
>      I told her my story of getting different endings for flight 7239.
She looked at me with amusement and said she worked for a different company
and could tell me without any ifs or buts that that flight had long since
landed and that she personally had taken its unclaimed bags off the
carousel.  And further more that she could tell me that Detelin had not been
on that plane.   I exploded, "What, you know who is on each flight?" and she
said, "of course".   My god, I had stumbled onto the Central Intelligence
Agency of the entire airport operation cleverly headquartered in baggage.
I would go back to the United counter and tell them the flight they were
looking for had actually landed long ago and that is why they could not find
it.   By now I had found that by taking the walking sidewalk in the wrong
direction I could run and get to the other end much slower which was great
for my exercise program.   On the escalator part of my trips I would go up
the down stairway.
>  My exercising exercise got me late to United ticketing territory.  It was
closed and its two non moving lines had moved.   Somehow this darkened,
quiet, peaceful part of the airport inspired an inspirational thought.   I
would ask the CIA bag lady for the passenger names on the next flight from
Dulles that was due in at 11:30.  Brilliant.
>
>     A flight had come in from somewhere and the bag lady was doing her
thing.  She did not seem pleased to see me.   By now I was well known by
most of the airport's night crew.  The Information guy waved to me as I flew
by his booth.   I said to the bag lady, "tell me if Detelin is on the 11:30
flight".   I think this is when my bearded face finally came into full focus
and reminded her of the oath.  "It is against the law for me to give out
passengers' names."
>
>     Now I am not dumb.   I have seen "All the King's Men" two times.   I
know how Bernstein and Woodward handle these kinds of situations.
>
>     "I don't want you to tell me the names of any of the passengers" I
said, " I just want you to tell me if I should wait for the 11:30 ".
>
>     The bag lady, relieved by my professionalism, whispered, "wait for the
11:30".
>
>
>     What does one do at an airport for six and one half hours, other than
use the gym.
>
>     Rose and I noticed a lot of loving.  As each flight unloaded, as soon
as its passengers crossed the security line, someone on the insecure side
grabbed them and kissed them - sometimes for indecently long times.   What
the hell, I would grab the solo traveling ladies and hug and kiss them.
then say, "Oops, I am sorry.  I thought you were someone else".   (With Rose
sitting there, this was my fantasy so let me add that each time I broke off
with the hugging and kissing and got to the part where I said, Oh, I thought
you were someone else, there were expressions of disappointment.)
>
>     It looked like it was going to take a day to pick up Dido but 11:30
came just in time.   The flight was on time.  Dido was the first one to
cross the security line and I found myself saying, "What are you doing here
so early.  We did not expect you for another two days.   Rose, on the other
hand, quietly got off her now well warmed seat and hugged and kissed Dido -
for an indecently long time and he opened his bag and gave her a beautiful
Bulgarian wool blanket.   And what does the one who did all the hard
investigative exercising and fantasizing get?
>
>     Well maybe the short lived satisfaction that goes with   "mission
accomplished"....
>
>
> I'll sign this one with a Spitzer since the end sounds like one - or maybe
Carter.
> __________________________________________________
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