[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[michael meltzer]

Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent
his wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot. Mary saw a beautiful bathroom
faucet while she was waiting for Walt, (the manager) to finish waiting on a
customer.

 

When Walt was finished, Mary asked.. 'How much for that faucet?'

 

Walt replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.'

 

'My goodness that sure is a lot.' Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to
describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the
backroom to find it.

 

>From the backroom Walt yelled, 'Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?'

 

Mary replied, 'No, but I will for the faucet.'

 

This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot

 

 

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http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf 

 

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TOP 4 ADULT JOKES

 

Fourth Place:

 

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes
into her breast.

 

They are both quite startled.

 

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

 

She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

 

Third Place : 

 

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his
wife's arm. 

 

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist
appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' 

 

The husband, rejected, turns over.

 

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 

 

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' 

 

Runner Up: 

 

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

 

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to
stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

 

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but
Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion
on his own. 

 

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once
that something was seriously wrong. 

 

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

 

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?' 

 

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.. 

 

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

 

'My God, Bill, what happened?' 

 

'I got fired.' 

 

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 

 

'Oh..she got fired too.'

 

Winner: 

 

A couple had been married for 50 years. 

 

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
together.' 

 

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a
jaybird fifty years ago.' 

 

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' 

 

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. 

 

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are
as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' 

 

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal!!

 

 - from Melinda Sisk