[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[michael meltzer]

Degrees of Blonde

 

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The
very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should
I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.

 

The husband said, 'Who was that?'

 

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear.'

 

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

 

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

 

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

 

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

 

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

 

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts
it to her head.

 

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

 

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

 

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

 

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

 

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'

 

FIFTH DEGREE

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: 'Is it mine?'

 

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade
was about.

 

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware '

 

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

 

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

 

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what
do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

 

 

--

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his
salary!

 

Dear Bo$$

 

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be
under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport
including $weat and $ervice to your company. 

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon. 

 

Your$ $incerely, 

 

Norman $oh 

 

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

 

Dear NOrman,

 

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed.
You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. 

 

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if
the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember
presidential elections things may turn bad. 

 

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

 

Yours truly,

 

Ting

 

 

--

Grandpa is grocery shopping with his toddler grandson, who sits in the cart
and cries hysterically.

 

As the elderly man pushes the cart through the aisles, selecting his items,
shoppers hear him speaking in a soft voice: 'We are almost done, Albert; try
not to cry, Albert. Life will get better Albert, I promise you.'

 

The child screams louder, feet kicking, arms flailing.

 

They reach the checkout counter. 'Try not to be upset, Albert,' says the old
man. 'We will be home soon, Albert. All will be well.'

 

He pays the cashier, while the toddler thrashes and screams.

 

'There, there, Albert,' mutters the man. 'Try to control yourself.' 

 

The woman behind him in line feels compelled to comment. Sir, I think it's
wonderful how sweet and patient you're being to your little grandson
Albert,' she says.

 

The old gentleman replies. 'My grandson's name is John. I'm Albert.'

 

 

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