[Rhodes22-list] Pondersimas (Humor)

[R22RumRunner at aol.com]

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>I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I  learned that most people die 
>of natural  causes.
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>Gardening Rule: When  weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a 
>weed and not a  valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the 
>ground easily,  it is a valuable plant.
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>The  easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a  
>replacement.
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>Never take  life seriously Nobody gets out alive  anyway.
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>There are two kinds of  pedestrians: the quick and the  dead.
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>Life is sexually  transmitted.
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>Health is merely the  slowest possible rate at which one can  die.
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>The only difference between  a rut and a grave is the  depth.
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>Health nuts are going to  feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of  
>nothing.
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>Have you noticed  since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks 
>about seeing UFOs  like they used to?
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>Whenever I  feel blue, I start breathing  again.
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>All of us could take a  lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to  
>criticism.
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>In the 60s,  people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is 
>weird  and people take Prozac to make it  normal
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>How is it one careless  match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole 
>box to start a  campfire?
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>Who was the first  person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze 
>these dangly  things here, and drink whatever comes  out?'
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>Who was the first person to  say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the

>next thing that comes  outta its butt.
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>Why is there a  light in the fridge and not in the  freezer?
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>If Jimmy cracks corn and  no one cares, why is there a song about  him?
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>If quizzes are quizzical,  what are tests?
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>Do illiterate  people get the full effect of Alphabet  Soup?
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>Did you ever notice that  when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,

>but when you take  him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the  window?
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>Why doesn't glue stick to the  inside of the bottle

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