[Rhodes22-list] Winter Joke Time

Fri Feb 5 15:55:20 EST 2010

I have heard that a secretary in Ben's office was questioned about her computer password:

During this recent audit, it was found that his receptionist was using the following password: 

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

.........

Now there were two close friends, quite unknown to you, talking on the phone about a new computer:

This is Stan, calling to Art about buying a new computer:

Art: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Stan: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. 

Art: Mac?

Stan: No, this is Stan.

Art: Your computer?

Stan: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

Art: Mac?

Stan: No! I told you, this is Stan.

Art: What about Windows? 

Stan: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

Art: Do you want a computer with Windows?

Stan: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

Art: Wallpaper.

Stan: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and the software.

Art: Software for Windows?

Stan: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

Art: Office.

Stan: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

Art: Yeah, I just did.

Stan: You just did what?

Art: Recommend something.

Stan: You recommended something?

Art: Yes.

Stan: For my office?

Art: Yes.

Stan: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

Art: Office.

Stan: Yes, for my office!

Art: I recommend Office with Windows.

Stan: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? 

Art: Word.

Stan: What word?

Art: Word in Office.

Stan: The only word in office is office.

Art: The Word in Office for Windows.

Stan: Which word in office for windows?

Art: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

Stan: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

Art: Money.

Stan: That's right. What do you have?

Art: Money.

Stan: I need money to track my money?

Art: It comes bundled with your computer..

Stan: What's bundled with my computer?

Art: Money.

Stan: Money comes with my computer?

Art: Yes. No extra charge.

Stan: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

Art: One copy.

Stan: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

Art: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

Stan: They can give you a license to copy money?

Art: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

Art: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Stan: How do I turn my new computer off?

Art: Click on 'START'..... .........

Credit to an anonymous 

-----Original Message-----
>From: BenCittadino <bencittadino at gmail.com>
>Sent: Feb 3, 2010 2:30 PM
>To: rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org
>Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] Winter Joke Time
>
>
>A client sent me this today (Must be a full moon). Some are old, some are
>new, but I think most are funny.
>a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are word for word, taken
>down and now published by court reporters that had the 
>torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
>______________________________
>
>
>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>
>
>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>______________________________ ______________
>
>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>
>WITNESS: Yes.
>
>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>
>WITNESS: I forget.
>
>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>______________________________ _____________
>
>ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
>
>WITNESS: We both do.
>
>
>ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>
>
>WITNESS: We do.
>
>ATTORNEY: You do?
>
>WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>______________________________ ______________
>
>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, 
>he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
>
>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>______________________________ ______
>
>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>
>
>WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
> ______________________________ _____________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>______________________________ ___________
>
>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>
>WITNESS: Getting laid
>______________________________ ______________
>
>ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>
> WITNESS: Yes..
>
>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>
>WITNESS: None.
>
>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>
>WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
>
>Can I get a new attorney?
>______________________________ ______________
>
>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
> WITNESS: By death.
>
>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
> 
>
>WITNESS: Take a guess.
>______________________________ ______________
>
>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>
>WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
>
>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>
>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
>______________________________ _______
>
>ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
>people?
>
>
>WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> 
>
>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?   What school did you go to?
>
>WITNESS: Oral.
>______________________________ ___________
>
>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>
>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>
>ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>
>WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
>
> ______________________________ ______________
>
>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>
>______________________________ ________
>
>And the best for last:
>
>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
>pulse?
>
>WITNESS: No.
>
>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>
>WITNESS: No.
>
>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>
>WITNESS: No.
>
>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
>the autopsy?
>
>WITNESS: No .
>
>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
>
>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>
>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
>law.
>
>  BenC
>
>
>
>  
> 
>
> 
>
>                
>
>BenCittadino wrote:
>> 
>> Somebody sent this cute joke to me yesterday. I have heard it before
>> (maybe here??), but thought I'd pass it along in the hope of stimulating
>> some brain cells to contribute more:
>> 
>>   a bridge to Hawaii
>>> 
>>> A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach
>>> when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a
>>> booming voice,
>>> God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me
>>> I will grant you one wish.'
>>> 
>>> The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii
>>> so I can ride over anytime I want.'
>>> 
>>> God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the
>>> enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the
>>> supports required
>>> reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and
>>> steel it
>>> would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify
>>> your desire
>>> for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of
>>> something that could possibly help man kind.'
>>> 
>>> The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he
>>> said, 'God,
>>> I wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want
>>> to
>>> know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she
>>> gives
>>> me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means
>>> when
>>> she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when
>>> I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'
>>> 
>>> God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
>>> 
>>  
>> BenC
>> 
>
>-- 
>View this message in context: http://old.nabble.com/Winter-Joke-Time-tp27437084p27442005.html
>Sent from the Rhodes 22 mailing list archive at Nabble.com.
>
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