[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

http://web14.compaq.com/falco/detail.asp?FAQnum=FAQ2859

++
What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common? Their
last big hit was the wall.

- from Fred Frost

--
http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~sef/sefSmiley.htm

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A woman went to doctor's office where she was seen by one of
the new doctors, but, after about 4 minutes in the
examination room, she burst out, screaming, as she ran down
the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was,
and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit
down and told her to go relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down hallway to the back where the
first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you?
Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and
seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and
without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

++
A Jewish girl tells her Catholic college roommate that she's
going home for Rosh Hashanah.

The Catholic girl asks the Jewish girl, "Is that the holiday
when you light the eight candles?"

"No," the Jewish girl replies. "That's Hanukkah."

The Catholic girl then asks the Jewish girl, "Is that the
holiday when you eat the unleavened bread?"

"No," the Jewish girl replies. "That's Passover. Rosh
Hashanah is the holiday when we blow the shofar."

"See," the Catholic Girl replies. "That's what I like about
you Jews...you're so good to your help."

- from Sandy Fraser

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(Mumf note: this can't be cautioned too much!)

Police warn all men, particularly clubbers, party goers and
unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when
offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the
market called "beer" is used by many females to target
unsuspecting men.

The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now
available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from
taps and in large "kegs." "Beer" is used by female sexual
predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims
to go home and have sex with them.

Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a
few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no
strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this
approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to
perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they
would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men
often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what
happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of
their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a
relationship."

It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may
even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a
longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as
"marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after
"beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory
female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.
However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the
predatory women administering it, there are male support
groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the
details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank
manner with similarly affected, like minded guys. For the
support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in
the yellow pages.

- from Pat Barton

--
Two Priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One
of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a
Nicoderm patch on it.

He turns to the other Priest and says, "I believe you're
supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your
penis."

The other one replies, "Hey, speak for yourself. It's
working just fine -- I'm down to two butts a day!"

++
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw
his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up
to him with a wide grin. "Bubba, where'd you get that
truck?!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a
new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were
driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere.
Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel
drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got
out, threw off all her clothes and said 'Bubba, take
whatever you want'. So I took the truck!"

"Bubba, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit
you".

- from Jim Turner, who interestingly also has a new truck!

--
The Saudi Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a
speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President
Bush.

They shook hands and as they walked the Saudi said, "You
know, I have just one question about what I have seen in
America."

President Bush responded, "Well your Excellency, anything I
can do to help you, I will do."

The Saudi whispered, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek'
and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but
never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why
there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Bush laughed and leaned toward the Saudi, and
whispered back, "It's because it takes place in the
future..."

- from Kenny Taylor