[Rhodes22-list] Sea Ditties

[Steve Alm]

Hey Gil,
No, I haven't seen these.  Love 'em!  Right down my ally. :-)
Thanks,
Slim

On 1/14/03 4:12 PM, "Eaton, Gil" <GEaton@IKON.com> wrote:

>   Hi Slim,
>   You probably have seen these, but just in case.. these might add to your
> collection of nautical dirty limericks.
>   gil
> 
> 
> There once was a pirate named Yates
> Who tried to do the fandango on skates
> Til he slipped on his cutlass
> Which rendered him nutless
> And virtually useless on dates.
> 
> Me Old Pirate cookie named Gator,
> Taught me "Shore fishin' be done in hip wader's", I quickly moved up
> from second class, Straight up to first class,
> And now I'm a true master baiter. *
> 
> 'twas a crusty old sailor named Art,
> Who let out the world's most humoungous fart,
> He tried to restrict 'er,
> It went off the Richter,
> And caused the Red Sea to repart.
> 
> Art sailed on a Brigg to Rangoon,
> Where his rumblings could be heard from the moon, And when you'd least
> expect 'em, 
> They burst from his rectum,
> With the fury of a raging typhoon!
> 
> A young Piratess was heard to say,
> "Oh Dearie I'm wastin' away!
> The insides of my thighs,
> Look quite like mince pies,
> For you pirates don't shave every day!"
> 
> A near sighted watch sailor at Woods Hole
> Through his spy glass he spied him a good Ol'
> Cigar steaming reek
> Between red furry cheeks,
> Snaps Cappy, 
> That's a butt budging out of a porthole. *
> 
> Two months at sea the young piratess Bates
> Was rather worried because she was late,
> Yes she thought it quite erried
> She's missed her last period
> For she knew she'd only come to master...
> Another craft or something.
> 
> A strapping old Greek sailor named Brock,
> 'twas said he could stay up round the clock,
> The ladies revered him,
> And the sailors all feared him,
> Because he had a nineteen inch,
> Sword that hung down the side of his leg....
> 
> Miss Molly's a lady  quite blunt
> For handsome young sailors  she'd hunt,
> In quite boisterous shows,
> So now everyone knows ,
> She caught one and he's licking her ...toes. *
> 
> Three strapping seadogs from East Cooper
> Each one of them drank into a stupor
> When three buxom young lassies
> Came, flirty and sassy
> Those seapuppies could all but be drooper. *
> 
> Hey Buggars!! You sailors think yer all the rage, But Hoi, I'm really
> quite good for my age, Arrgh, I'm quick in the riggin'
> And me dinghy's a big'n,
> Hey,  it took two lads to haul it on stage.
> 
> Miss Molly's a young lass of fashion,
> Much known for her wit and her passion,
> To her captain she said
> As she straddled his head
> Here's one thing you sailors can't ration.
> 
> There's Ol' Cappy n' me sailin' at sea,
> When all at once we both had to wee,
> Mermaids scurried beneath the rails,
> With numbers scribed on their tails,
> 'twas a TEN ...for Ol' Cappy and me! *
> 
> 
> 
> Did ya hear of that guy from Nantucket,
> He barfed out his guts in a bucket,
> It seemed such a shame,
> For what he'd tried to reclaim,
> In a very short time did upchuck it!  *
> 
> There's a pub mistress down in Darjeeling,
> Who danced with such excellent feeling,
> Not a murmur was heard,
> Not a sound not a word,
> But the fly buttons hitting the ceiling.
> 
> In Darjeeling, a pub wench named Taft,
> Claimed, "It's great to be best at yer craft,
> For while aiming to please,
> I serves beers on me knees,
> So each sailor gets head with his draft."
> 
> That pub mistress that danced in Dargeeling,
> Who drank til her blatter was reeling,
> Was known to lay on her back,
> And finger her crack,
> And piss all over the ceiling.
> 
> Have you heard of that lad from Dargeeling
> Whose gross habits they weren't so appealing
> For while stroking his poker
> He's choking a stoker,
> And picking the flies off the ceiling.
> Tales From The Backside
> 
> There was that nubile cabinboy named Ned
> Who bent down to pick up the soap in the head,
> He got a surprise
> When he started to rise,
> "I am your first mate", the Rear Admiral said!
> Now that cabinboy's truly a nipper,
> So laddies let's give him the flipper,
> For he lined his sweet arse,
> With fresh broken glars,
> And done circumsized the skipper.
> 
> 
> A Sailor named Mitch E. O' Doul
> Found little red spots on his tool,
> His doctor a cynic,
> Says, "Get out of me clinic,
> And wipe off the lipstick you fool."
> 
> That braggard ol' Seaman named Mitch,
> He could dittle a lass in a stitch,
> Til one dittled him better,
> And now he'll regret 'er,
> For Mitch has one curious itch.
> 
> Mitch had a gal by the name of McMitchin,
> Busily scratchin' her catch in the kitchen,
> Mitch E says, " Rose,
> Well it's crabs I suppose",
> Says twitchin' Rose, " Aiee, b'Jesus they's itchin'!"
> 
> Says this young lassie to Seaman Mitch E....
> " Oh Dearie it hurts me to wee",
> Hmm, " I see", says me mate,
> "That account's for the state
> Of the purser, Ol' Cappy,  'n me."
> 
> Mitch  hooked up with a harlot named Sue,
> Who had filled her little whatsitts with glue,
> And said, with a wink and a grin,
> "If you pay to get in,
> You'll pay to get out of it too!"
> 
> Mitch sailed off to a brothel in Brighten
> Says he, "Miss Milly, aw ya sure are a tight'n,"
> Says she, "I won't be bustin' yer bubble,
> And it's really no trouble
> ..butt buggar, yer not in the right'n!"
> 
> 
> Lady B  to her pirate exhorted,
> "Ye are mine, and I will not be thwarted!
> I treasure your chest
> So let's get undressed.
> Heave to, and prepare to be boarded!"
> 
> Roared the pirate, "I cannot succumb!
> Perhaps ye should buy me more rum.
> I'll need a full flask
> And also a mask 
> For your face looks too much like me bum!"
> 
> Lady B  worked herself into a heat
> But her pirate peeked under the sheet:
> "I admire your heine
> But something's so briny
> I'm afraid it'll pickle my meat!"
> 
>   
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