[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the
contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and
I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy, did we go around! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking
sales guy had told me last year... that in one year the windows would pay
for themselves.

There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I
haven't heard back. Guess I won that stupid argument.

 - from Dave Houpert

--
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the
middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well
as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the
rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he
begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying at the
side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man
what's wrong?

"I feel terrible, "he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed
it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray
can. She walks over to the dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents
onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and
hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again; he hops down
the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and
waves and repeats this again and again, until he hops off out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you
spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says: "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

 - from Sue Greene

--
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing
happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to
send it to the President. The President was so amused that he instructed his
secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The President thought this
would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a
thank-you note to God, which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed
that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those assholes
deducted $95.00 in taxes."

 - from Kevin Haggerty

--
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR CALLS ALL THE NUNS INTO AN EMERGENCY MEETING. SHE SAYS,
"I MUST TELL YOU SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT, WE HAVE A CASE OF GONORRHEA IN
OUR CONVENT."

WAY IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM AN OLD NUN EXCLAIMS, "THANKS BE TO GOD! I AM SO
TIRED OF WHITE ZINFANDEL!"

 - from Patty Galvin

--
A woman walks into the drugstore and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy
some arsenic. He says "What do you want to do with arsenic?"

She said "I want to kill my husband because he cheats on me with another
woman."

The pharmacist replies: "I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your
husband, lady, even if he is cheating on you!"

So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband with
the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist then says "Oh, I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

 - from John Redfield

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