[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

Education Courses For Women

 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
 3. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Do Not Need New Shoes Everyday
 4. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
 5. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until...
After the Game
 6. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
 7. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His
 8. Valuation: Just Because It's Not Important to You . . .
 9. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First
10. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
11. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging
12. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
13. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share
14. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
15. Introduction to Parking
16. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space
17. Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor
18. Water retention: Fact or Fat
19. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
20. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption
21. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
22. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
23. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
24. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
25. Sex - It's For Married Couples Too
26. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
27. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
28. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
29. Ballet: For Women Only
30. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
31. Learning to Go in Public Rest rooms
32. Appreciating the Humor of the Three Stooges
33. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?" - Why Men Lie
34. TV Remotes: For Men Only
35. Sexy Lingerie For Any Occasion

 - from Gary Savage

--
Boston Red Sox fan, a Chicago Cubs fan and an NY Yankees fan were all in
Saudi Arabia performing military duty for the US Army.

While off base, they were caught sharing a smuggled case of booze. All of a
sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of
alcohol is a sever offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they
were sentenced to death!

With the help of good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their
sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, a benevolent Sheik
decided that they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes of the
whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik said, "It's my 1st
wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each one of you one
wish before your whipping".

The Cubs fan was 1st in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about
this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went
through. The Cubs fan was carried away bleeding and crying.

The Yankees fan was up next (he almost finished an entire 5th by himself),
and after watching the scene, said "OK please fix 2 pillows to my back." But
even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again,
sending the Yankee fan crying like a baby.

The Red Sox fan was the last up (he had finished off the crate -- given his
allegiance, who could blame him), but before he could say anything, the
Sheik turned to him and said "you support the greatest baseball team in the
world, your supporters are the best and most loyal fans in all the world.
For this you may have 2 wishes"

"Thanks, your most royal highness'" the Red Sox fan replied. In recognition
of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes".

"Not only are you an honorable, powerful man, you are also very brave," said
the Sheik. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second
wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks...

To which the Red Sox fan replied... "Tie the Yankee fan to my back."

 - from Dave Houpert

--
Advertisement Potpourri

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waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or
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 o In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children."

 o Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

 o Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.

 o On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules
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tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

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 o On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the
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 o For Sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.

 o For sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.

 o For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

 o Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

 o Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

 o Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

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the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

 o Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

 o Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.

 o Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots
of women wear nothing else.

 o Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References
required.

 o Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

 o Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

 o Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

 o 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our
experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks
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 o Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

 o Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never
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family.

 o "And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience!"

 o We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for
$1.00.

 o Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
and salary.

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