Joke Re: [Rhodes22-list] Can a girlyman be a sailor

Michael Meltzer mjm at michaelmeltzer.com
Wed Sep 1 22:07:48 EDT 2004


A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly Irishman came
in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the
barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The
bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey,
too. The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back,
who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass
of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting
at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him
a glass of Chianti, too.

The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered into the bar
and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey, is that God's Boy down
there?" The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold
one, too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and
said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength
come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The
Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and
did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back and exclaimed,
"Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"

 - from Jim "I Resemble that Remark" Pocius

--
Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan
several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily
walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently
and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to
walk even further back and are happy with the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now
seem happy with the old custom that you used to try to change?"

"Land mines," said the woman.

MORAL OF THE STORY.......... BEHIND EVERY MAN IS A SMART WOMAN.

 - from Patty Galvin

--
SEVEN DEGREES OF BLONDES

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband
said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."


SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let
me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"


THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells,
"No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"


FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the
capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."


FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"


SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade
was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the
decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."


SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."

 - from Carol Bagshaw

--

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Steve" <rhodes2282 at yahoo.com>
To: "The Rhodes 22 mail list" <rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org>
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 4:08 PM
Subject: Joke Re: [Rhodes22-list] Can a girlyman be a sailor


> 
> A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches
> straight up to the counter and says "hi, I hate
> drawing welfare, I'd really rather have a job."
> 
> The man behind the welfare desk says "your timing is
> excellent. We just got a job opening from a very
> wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for
> his nymphomaniac daughter.
> 
> You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll
> supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours,
> meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort
> her on her overseas holiday trips. The starting salary
> is $200,000 a year."
> 
> The guy says "you're bullshitting me."
> 
> 
> 
> The welfare clerk says "yeah, well, you started it."
> 
> 
> 
> --- Saroj <saroj at pathfind.net> wrote:
> 
>> blaaaat!!
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Steve" <rhodes2282 at yahoo.com>
>> To: "The Rhodes 22 mail list"
>> <rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org>
>> Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 8:42 AM
>> Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] Can a girlyman be a
>> sailor
>> 
>> 
>> > Of course they can, Michael; there also called
>> > Democrats:-)
>> > Steve
>> > 
>> > 
>> > --- Michael Meltzer <mjm at michaelmeltzer.com>
>> wrote:
>> > 
>> > > Ok, I was watching tv and this deep question
>> came to
>> > > mind, 
>> > > Can a girlyman be a sailor?
>> > > 
>> > > 
>> > > 
>> > > MJM
>> > >
>> __________________________________________________
>> > > Use Rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org, Help?
>> > > www.rhodes22.org/list
>> > > 
>> > 
>> > 
>> > 
>> > 
>> > 
>> > __________________________________
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>> > New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - 100MB free storage!
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>> > __________________________________________________
>> > Use Rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org, Help?
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>> Use Rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org, Help?
>> www.rhodes22.org/list
>> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
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