[Rhodes22-list] Random Bedtime Thoughts

[brad haslett]

Jeezo Peezo!  I must be getting old, or 30 years of
corporate bullshit is wearing me down.  Its not even
8:30pm and I'm ready for bed.  Anyway, here's a couple
of e-mails that came my way today and worth sharing. 
Brad

____________________________________________________



Actual Quotes from Employee Evaluations


Actual Quotes from Federal employees' performance
evaluations:


"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and
has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
morbid curiosity."

"Works well when under constant supervision and when
cornered like a rat in a trap."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"She sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them."

"This employee should go far - and the sooner he
starts,
the better."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot."


Actual Quotes from military Officer Efficiency Reports
(OERs):

"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to
hold it all together."

"A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus."

"A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued
on."

"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

"One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."

"Fell out of the family tree."

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the
train
isn't coming."

"Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out
looking for it."

"He's so dense, light bends around him."

"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get
change."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the
ocean."

"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other
sperm."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only
gargled."

"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

_____________________________________________________

Thoughts for 2005! 
 

12. Life is sexually transmitted.
 
11. Good Health is merely the slowest possible rate at
which one can die.

10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you
see him without an  erection, make him a sandwich! 

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach a person to use the Internet and they won't
bother you for weeks.

8. Some people are like Slinkies......not really good
for anything, but  you  still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
 
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
in hospitals dying  of nothing. 

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
 
5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
pays no attention to criticism. 

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a  substantial tax cut saves you thirty
cents? 

3. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world
weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac
to make it normal. 

2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest
profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.
 
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005: 

May you always have Love to Share, Health to Spare,
and Friends that Care 
 





		
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