[Rhodes22-list] joke - stupid people

[brad haslett]

I can't vouch for the truth of these stories but
nothing suprises me.  The bit about the liferaft rings
true because that IS the way a liferaft works.  This
much I do know; one of my friends and a "debrief"
buddy is a public defender here in Shelby County,
Tennessee.  He had to run out of the courtroom last
week to keep from laughing (it wasn't his client). 
The defendant was a garden variety Memphis rapist,
stabber, shooter, etc. charged with a violent act in a
domestic dispute.  The judge asked, "why didn't you
just call 9/11?"  His reply, "I didn't know the
number".  Brad


Number One Idiot of 2004
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the  poison control center.  Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her
that the  ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into  the hospital.  She
calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened  to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to eat in order to  kill the ants.  I told
her that she better bring her daughter into 
the emergency room right away.  Here's your sign,
lady.  Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot of 2004 Early this year, some Boeing
employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft
from one of the 747's.  They were successful in
getting it out
of the plane and home.  Shortly after they took it for
a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them.  It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that  activated when the raft was inflated. 
They are no longer employed at Boeing.  Here's your
sign, guys.  Don't get it wet; the paint might 
run.

Number Three Idiot of 2004
A true story out of San Francisco:  A man, wanting to
rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote, "this is a stickup.  Put all
your muny in this bag."  While standing in line,
waiting to give his note to the  teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note 
and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window.  So he left the  Bank of America and
crossed the street to Wells Fargo.  After waiting a 
few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller.  She read it and, surmising from his
spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to
fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank
of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,
"OK," and left.  He was arrested a few minutes later,
as he was waiting in line back at Bank of 
America.> Don't bother with this guy's sign.  He
probably couldn't read it anyway.

Number Four Idiot of 2004
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. 
After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
 the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf.  He told the cashier
to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused
and said, "because I don't believe you are over 21." 
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
give it to him because he didn't believe him.  At this
point, the robber took his driver's license out of 
his wallet and gave it to the clerk.  The clerk looked
it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and he put the Scotch in the bag.  The robber then ran
from the store with his loot.  The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license.  They arrested the
robber two hours later.  This guy 
definitely needs a sign!

Idiot Number Five of 2004
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted,
"Nobody move!"  When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.  This guy doesn't need
a sign; he probably figured it out himself.

 Idiot Number Six of 2004 Seems this guy wanted some
beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd 
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and  run.  So, he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him nconscious. 
It seems the liquor store window was made of
plexiglas.  The whole event was caught on videotape. 
Oh, thatsmarts. Give him his sign.

 Idiot Number Seven of 2004
 Ann Arbor:  The Ann Arbor News crime column reported
that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan at 12:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
 The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order.  When the
man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast.  The man,
frustrated, walked away.  Sign please.

Please note that all of the above people are allowed
to vote (andbreed). Scary, isn't it?





		
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