[Rhodes22-list] joke - stupid people

[Mark Kaynor]

Brad,

Great stories! Thanks for the laugh. Here's a site in a similar vein that's
been around for many years - hope you enjoy it, too -
http://www.newsoftheweird.com/

Mark Kaynor

-----Original Message-----
From: rhodes22-list-bounces at rhodes22.org
[mailto:rhodes22-list-bounces at rhodes22.org] On Behalf Of brad haslett
Sent: Tuesday, January 11, 2005 6:07 PM
To: rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org
Subject: [Rhodes22-list] joke - stupid people


I can't vouch for the truth of these stories but nothing suprises me.  The
bit about the liferaft rings true because that IS the way a liferaft works.
This much I do know; one of my friends and a "debrief"
buddy is a public defender here in Shelby County, Tennessee.  He had to run
out of the courtroom last week to keep from laughing (it wasn't his client).

The defendant was a garden variety Memphis rapist, stabber, shooter, etc.
charged with a violent act in a domestic dispute.  The judge asked, "why
didn't you just call 9/11?"  His reply, "I didn't know the number".  Brad


Number One Idiot of 2004
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.  Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital.  She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants.  I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away.  Here's your sign, lady.  Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot of 2004 Early this year, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's.  They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home.  Shortly after they took
it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them.  It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
locator beacon that  activated when the raft was inflated. 
They are no longer employed at Boeing.  Here's your sign, guys.  Don't get
it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot of 2004
A true story out of San Francisco:  A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into the branch and wrote, "this is a stickup.  Put all your
muny in this bag."  While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the
teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller's window.  So he left the  Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.  After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.  She read it
and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either
have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left.  He was arrested a
few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.> Don't
bother with this guy's sign.  He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Number Four Idiot of 2004
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. 
After the cashier put the cash in a bag,  the robber saw a bottle of Scotch
that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.  He told the cashier to put
it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "because I don't
believe you are over 21." 
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him.  At this point, the robber took his driver's
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.  The clerk looked it
over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in
the bag.  The robber then ran from the store with his loot.  The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that
he got off the license.  They arrested the robber two hours later.  This guy
definitely needs a sign!

Idiot Number Five of 2004
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"  When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.  This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it
out himself.

 Idiot Number Six of 2004 Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and  run.  So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him nconscious. 
It seems the liquor store window was made of plexiglas.  The whole event was
caught on videotape. 
Oh, thatsmarts. Give him his sign.

 Idiot Number Seven of 2004
 Ann Arbor:  The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded
cash.
 The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast.  The man, frustrated, walked
away.  Sign please.

Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote (andbreed).
Scary, isn't it?





		
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