[Rhodes22-list] Jokes

[Mary Lou Troy]

Good ones Michael! (though perhaps mostly the women on the list will find them funny). Did Karin put you up to this ;-)? BTW, glad you are staying on the east coast!

Mary Lou
1991 R22  Fretless
Ft. Washington, PA / Rock Hall (Swan Creek), MD



>From: Michel Meltzer <mjm at michaelmeltzer.com>
>Date: Wed Mar 01 07:51:53 CST 2006
>To: rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org
>Subject: [Rhodes22-list] Jokes

>"Why God made moms" answers given by elementary school age children to
>the following questions:
> 
>Why did God make mothers?
> 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
> 2. Mostly to clean the house.
> 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
>
>How did God make mothers?
> 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
> 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
> 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger
>parts.
>
>What ingredients are mothers made of?
> 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice
>in the world and one dab of mean.
> 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use
>string, I think.
>
>Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
> 1. We're related.
> 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
>
>What kind of little girl was your Mom?
> 1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
> 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
>bossy.
> 3. They say she used to be nice.
>
>What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
> 1. His last name.
> 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
>drunk on beer?
> 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to
>chores?
>
>Why did your Mom marry your dad?
> 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
> 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
> 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
>
>Who's the boss at your house?
> 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
>goof ball.
> 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the
>bed.
> 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
>
>What's the difference between moms and dads?
> 1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
> 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
> 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause
>that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
>Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
>
>What does your Mom do in her spare time?
> 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
> 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
>
>What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
> 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
>plastic surgery.
> 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue
>
>If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
> 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid
>of that.
> 2 I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did
>it and not me.
> 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.
>
>==============================
>THE MOMMY TEST
>I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something
>off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away
>from her and I asked her not to do that.
>
>"Why?" my daughter asked.
>
>"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's
>dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
>
>At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
>asked,"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
>
>"Uh," ...I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on the
>Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
>
>We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
>pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you
>don't pass the test you
>have to be the daddy."
>
>"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my
>heart.
>
>=====================
>Too cute!
>"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look
>upon his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."
>
>He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little
>girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked
>quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt
>dust?"
>
>Church was pretty much over at that point...
> 
>
>--
>WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
>REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Jan. 26, 2006
>
>NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,
>CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
>
>
>Class 1
>How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
>Presentation.
>Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
>
>Class 2
>The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.
>Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
>
>Class 3
>Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
>Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
>Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
>
>Class 4
>Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
>Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
>Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
>
>Class 5
>After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
>Examples on Video.
>Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
>
>Class 6
>Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help
>Line Support and Support Groups.
>Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
>
>Class 7
>Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right
>Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum
>.
>Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
>
>Class 8
>Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
>Graphics and Audio Tapes.
>Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
>
>Class 9
>Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
>Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
>
>Class 10
>Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
>Driving Simulations.
>4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
>
>Class 11
>Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online
>Classes and role-playing .
>Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
>
>Class 12
>How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation
>and Breathing Techniques.
>Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
>
>Class 13
>How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries
>and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
>Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
>Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
>
>Class 14
>The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
>Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
>
>Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to
>the survivors.
> 
>
>--
>
>__________________________________________________
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