[Rhodes22-list] JOKE: If Noah Lived in the US Today....

[Lou Rosenberg]

Jim,
  That's Divine !
LR

>And jw saw that it was true and said, Amen, again and again......
>   jw
>   
>    IF NOAH LIVED IN THE UNITED STATES TODAY
>   
>   And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make
>   it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is
>   destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every
>   kind of living thing on the earth.
>   Therefore, I am commanding
>   you to build an Ark."
>   
>   In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
>   In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
>   "Remember" said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring
>   Everything aboard in one year.
>   
>   Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all
>   The seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was
>   sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah," He shouted.
>   "Where is the Ark?"
>   
>   "Lord, please forgive me! cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were
>   big problems.
>   
>   First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
>   meet the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
>   
>   Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a
>   fire sprinkler system and flotation devices.
>   
>   Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances
>   by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
>   the city planning commission.
>   
>   Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was
>   a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced
>   the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
>   However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So,
>   no owls.
>   
>   The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.
>   I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board
>   before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I have 16 carpenters
>   on the Ark, but still no owls.
>   
>   When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal
>   rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
>   
>   Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could
>   not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement
>   on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that
>   they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
>   universe.
>   
>   Then the Army Coprs of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed 
>new flood plain.
>   I sent them a globe.
>   
>   Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
>   Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination
>   by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard.
>   
>   The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
>   preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
>   
>   I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user
>   tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational watercraft."
>   
>   Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
>   construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth,
>   it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
>   
>   I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six
>   years." Noah wailed.
>   
>   The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
>   calm.
>   
>   A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean
>   you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
>   
>   "No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The government already
>   has."
>
>
>Jim White
>Le Menagerie
>www.lemenagerie.blogspot.com
>
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