[Rhodes22-list] JOKE: If Noah Lived in the US Today....

[Jim White]

And jw saw that it was true and said, Amen, again and again......
  jw
   
   IF NOAH LIVED IN THE UNITED STATES TODAY
   
  And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make
  it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is
  destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every
  kind of living thing on the earth.
  Therefore, I am commanding
  you to build an Ark."
   
  In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
  In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
  "Remember" said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring
  Everything aboard in one year.
   
  Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all
  The seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was
  sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah," He shouted.
  "Where is the Ark?"
   
  "Lord, please forgive me! cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were
  big problems.
   
  First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
  meet the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
   
  Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a
  fire sprinkler system and flotation devices.
   
  Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances
  by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
  the city planning commission.
   
  Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was
  a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced
  the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
  However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So,
  no owls.
   
  The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.
  I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board
  before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I have 16 carpenters
  on the Ark, but still no owls.
   
  When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal
  rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
   
  Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could
  not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement
  on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that
  they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
  universe.
   
  Then the Army Coprs of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain.
  I sent them a globe.
   
  Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
  Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination
  by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard.
   
  The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
  preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
   
  I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user
  tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational watercraft."
   
  Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
  construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth,
  it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
   
  I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six
  years." Noah wailed.
   
  The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
  calm.
   
  A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean
  you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
   
  "No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The government already
  has."


Jim White
Le Menagerie
www.lemenagerie.blogspot.com
			
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