[Rhodes22-list] Actual Headlines in 2005 - Funny

[3drecon at comcast.net]

Actual Headlines in 2005
 

THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005: 

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter 
      [hmm!] 

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 
      [No, really?] 

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
       [Now that's taking things a bit far!] 

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 
      [ !  do they ever read what they write?] 

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
       [What a guy!] 


Miners Refuse to Work after Death 
       [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!] 

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
       [See if that works any better than a fair trial!] 


War Dims Hope for Peace 
       [I can see where it might have that effect!] 


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile 
      [You think?!] 

Cold Wave Linked  to Temperatures 
      [Who would have thought!] 
 
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police 
Suspect Homicide 
       [They may be on to something!] 

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
      [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!] 
 
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge 
     [He probably IS the battery charge]



New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 
       [Weren't they fat enough?!] 



Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 
       [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] 


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
       [Taste just like chicken?] 

  
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
       [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] 


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 
       [Boy, are they tall!] 



And the winner is.... 

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead  
       Did I read that sign right?