[Rhodes22-list] what about a joke athon, who can top this
Rik Sandberg
sanderico1 at gmail.com
Wed Sep 10 00:05:59 EDT 2008
Ben,
> The neurologist knows alot but doesn't do much.
Been to one of those neurologists, I can vouch for that :-)
Rik
Ayn Rand was a prophet - - it isn't my fault
Benjamin Cittadino wrote:
> So what's the difference between a neurologist, a neurosurgeon, and a
> neuropathologist.
>
>
>
>
> The neurologist knows alot but doesn't do much.
>
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> The neurosurgeon does alot but doesn't know much.
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> The nuropathologist knows everything but too late to help anyone.
>
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>
> (Malpractice lawyer's joke) Sorry....I guess you had to be there.
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> Ben C, s/v susan kay, highlands, nj
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> Brad Haslett-2 wrote:
>
>> Hank,
>>
>> The firewall shutoff valve on the Bo is broken/missing - all it
>> consists of is a plate on a piano hinge but it is located in a small
>> box with poor access. I've been wrestling with it for a few days
>> using mirrors and flashlights. One of my hangar neighbors is a
>> retired dentist who is always offering help. I called him over a few
>> days ago and said, "Doc, I've got a job that could use a man with your
>> talents". He took one look at the situation and replied, "good luck
>> Son, I'm retired".
>>
>> Brad
>>
>> On Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 8:27 PM, Hank <hnw555 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>> Brad,
>>>
>>> I can afford to do the jobs myself since I'm retired army and your taxes
>>> are
>>> paying my medical bills,
>>>
>>> Thanks,
>>>
>>> Hank
>>>
>>> On Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 8:50 PM, Brad Haslett <flybrad at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>> MJM,
>>>>
>>>> Too funny! Whoever wrote the definitions of tools was obviously an
>>>> aircraft homebuilder. I broke the little finger on my left hand last
>>>> spring working on my airplane, the only digit on either hand that
>>>> hadn't previously been broken using a Milwaukee 90 degree electric
>>>> drill with what I determined to be a faulty switch. I called
>>>> Milwaukee the next day and explained what happened, how it happened,
>>>> and what the problem with their product was - explained that I didn't
>>>> want any money, just wanted to give them a heads-up call. I got
>>>> "yada, yada, yada, that's the first we've ever heard of this issue".
>>>> The product was off the shelf nationwide within a week.
>>>>
>>>> It takes a couple of decades to figure this out, but it is cheaper to
>>>> pay the professionals to do a lot of different jobs than it is to pay
>>>> the medical bills. As my brother says, "you can't beat a man at his
>>>> own craft".
>>>>
>>>> Brad
>>>>
>>>> On Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 7:18 PM, michael meltzer <mjm at michaelmeltzer.com>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
>>>>> buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.'
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief Coming right up.' He gets the Indian a
>>>>>
>>>> tall
>>>>
>>>>> mug of coffee.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the
>>>>>
>>>> buffalo
>>>>
>>>>> with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
>>>>>
>>>> and
>>>>
>>>>> then just walks out.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand,
>>>>>
>>>> pulling
>>>>
>>>>> another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and
>>>>>
>>>> says
>>>> to
>>>>
>>>>> the waiter 'Want coffee.'
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from
>>>>> yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> The Indian smiles and proudly says, 'Training for position in United
>>>>>
>>>> States
>>>>
>>>>> Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others
>>>>>
>>>> to
>>>>
>>>>> clean up, disappear for rest of day.'
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>>
>>>>> Common tools explained:
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> DRILL PRESS:
>>>>>
>>>>> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
>>>>>
>>>> stock
>>>>
>>>>> out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your
>>>>>
>>>> beer
>>>>
>>>>> across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which
>>>>>
>>>> you
>>>>
>>>>> had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> WIRE WHEEL:
>>>>>
>>>>> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
>>>>>
>>>> workbench
>>>>
>>>>> with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned
>>>>>
>>>> calluses
>>>>
>>>>> from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh shit!"
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
>>>>>
>>>>> Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of
>>>>>
>>>> old
>>>>
>>>>> age.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> SKILL SAW:
>>>>>
>>>>> A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> PLIERS:
>>>>>
>>>>> Tool used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
>>>>> blood-blisters.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> BELT SANDER:
>>>>>
>>>>> An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs
>>>>>
>>>> into
>>>>
>>>>> major refinishing jobs.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> HACKSAW:
>>>>>
>>>>> One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.
>>>>>
>>>> It
>>>>
>>>>> transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
>>>>>
>>>> more
>>>>
>>>>> you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
>>>>>
>>>> becomes.
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> VISE-GRIPS:
>>>>>
>>>>> Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If
>>>>>
>>>> nothing
>>>>
>>>>> else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
>>>>>
>>>> heat
>>>> to
>>>>
>>>>> the palm of your hand.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> WELDING GLOVES:
>>>>>
>>>>> Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense
>>>>>
>>>> Welding-
>>>>
>>>>> heat to the palm of your hand.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
>>>>>
>>>>> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your
>>>>>
>>>> shop
>>>> on
>>>>
>>>>> fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want
>>>>>
>>>> the
>>>>
>>>>> bearing race out of.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> TABLE SAW:
>>>>>
>>>>> A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles
>>>>>
>>>> for
>>>>
>>>>> testing wall integrity.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
>>>>>
>>>>> Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed
>>>>>
>>>> your
>>>>
>>>>> new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
>>>>>
>>>>> Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack
>>>>> handle.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
>>>>>
>>>>> A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off
>>>>>
>>>> in
>>>>
>>>>> bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> BAND SAW:
>>>>>
>>>>> A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good
>>>>> aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
>>>>>
>>>> can
>>>>
>>>>> after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
>>>>>
>>>>> A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you
>>>>>
>>>> forgot
>>>> to
>>>>
>>>>> disconnect.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
>>>>>
>>>>> A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined
>>>>> screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
>>>>>
>>>>> See hacksaw.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
>>>>>
>>>>> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening
>>>>>
>>>> old-style
>>>>
>>>>> paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also
>>>>>
>>>> be
>>>>
>>>>> used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
>>>>>
>>>>> A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common
>>>>>
>>>> slotted
>>>>
>>>>> screws into non-removable screws.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> PRY BAR:
>>>>>
>>>>> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you
>>>>>
>>>> needed
>>>>
>>>>> to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> HOSE CUTTER:
>>>>>
>>>>> A tool used to make hoses too short.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> HAMMER:
>>>>>
>>>>> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as
>>>>>
>>>> a
>>>>
>>>>> kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to
>>>>>
>>>> the
>>>>
>>>>> object we are trying to hit.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
>>>>>
>>>>> Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
>>>>>
>>>> delivered
>>>>
>>>>> to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats,
>>>>>
>>>> vinyl
>>>>
>>>>> records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund
>>>>>
>>>> checks,
>>>>
>>>>> and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work
>>>>>
>>>> clothes,
>>>> but
>>>>
>>>>> only while in use.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> DAMMIT TOOL:
>>>>>
>>>>> Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling
>>>>> "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next
>>>>>
>>>> tool
>>>>
>>>>> that you will need.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with using the mailing list go to
>>>>>
>>>> http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>>
>>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with using the mailing list go to
>>>> http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>
>>>
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>>
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