[Rhodes22-list] those who can identify...raise your hands...

[Stephen Staum]

Thanks Elle. I needed that.

Stephen

Sent from my iPhone

On Feb 18, 2010, at 2:48 PM, elle <watermusic38 at yahoo.com> wrote:

> I'd imagine that many folks are feeling as the lady below..
> elle
>
>
>
>
> Funny
> Snow Story
>
>
>
> December 8 6:00 Pm
> It started to snow. The first snow of the season
> and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the  
> window watching
> the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a  
> Grandma Moses
> print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
> snow!
>
> December 9
> We woke to a
> beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the  
> landscape.
> What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the  
> whole world?
> Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!  Shoveled for the first  
> time
> in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
> sidewalks.
>
> This afternoon the snowplow came
> along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I  
> got to
> shovel again. What a perfect life!
>
> December 12
> The sun has melted all
> our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to  
> worry-we'll
> definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be  
> awful! Bob says
> we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want  
> to see snow
> again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm  
> glad he's our
> neighbor.
>
> December 14
> Snow, lovely snow! 8
> inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes  
> everything
> sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by  
> shoveling the
> driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
>
> The snowplow came back this
> afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have  
> to do quite
> this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.  
> I wish I
> wouldn't huff and puff so.
>
> December 15
> 20 inches forecast. Sold my van
> and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2  
> extra
> shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
> electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in
> Alaska , after
> all.
>
> December 16
> Ice storm this morning. Fell on my *** on the ice in
> the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for  
> an hour,
> which I think was very cruel.
>
> December 17
> It is still way below freezing.
> Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I  
> had to pile
> the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife  
> and try not to
> irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit  
> it to her.
> God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to  
> death in my own
> livingroom!
>
> December 20
> Electricity is back on, but had another 14
> inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day.  
> The damn
> snowplow came by twice.
> Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they
> said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called  
> the only
> hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're  
> out. Might
> have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I  
> have to shovel
> or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
>
> December 22
> Bob was right about a white
> Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and  
> it's so cold,
> it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all  
> dressed up to
> go out to shovel and then I had to ****. By the time I got  
> undressed, ****ed and
> dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has  
> a plow on
> his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I  
> think the
> ******* is lying.
>
> December 23
> Only 2 inches of
> snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate  
> the front of
> the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
> Why didn't she tell me to do
> that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
>
> December
> 24
> 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.  
> Thought I
> was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who  
> drives that
> snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him  
> to death
> with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits  
> for me to
> finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an  
> hour and
> throws snow all over where I've just been!
> Tonight the wife wanted me to
> sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too  
> busy
> watching for the damn snowplow.
>
> December 25
> Merry f---ing
> Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in! The  
> idea of
> shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow!
> Then the snowplow
> driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head  
> with my shovel.
> The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot.  
> If I have
> to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff  
> her into the
> microwave.
>
> December 26
> Still snowed in.
> Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really  
> getting on
> my nerves.
>
> December 27
> Temperature
> dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of  
> waiting for
> him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
>
> December 28
> Warmed up to above
> -20. Still snowed in. The ***** is driving me crazy!!!
>
> December 29
> 10
> more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.  
> That's the
> silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
>
> December
> 30
> Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing  
> me for
> a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for  
> trying to
> shove the broken snow shovel up his ***. The wife went home to her  
> mother. Nine
> more inches predicted.
>
> December 31
> I set fire to
> what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>
> January 8
> Feels so good.
> I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I  
> tied to the
> bed?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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