[Rhodes22-list] neologism contest, funny stuff

[r22rumrunner at aol.com]

Once again, The  Washington Post has published the winning submissions to 
its yearly  neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply 
alternative meanings  for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person  upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much  weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever  having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation  while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent  (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly 
answer the door in  your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8.  Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency  vehicle that picks you up after you are run 
over by a  steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding  hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an  exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by  proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian  proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his  conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by  popular demand): The belief that, when 
you die, your soul flies up onto the  roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the  front of boxer shorts worn by 
Jewish men.



The Washington  Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any 
word from the  dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one 
letter, and  supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:


1. Bozone  (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright 
ideas from  penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign 
of breaking  down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about  yourself for the purpose of 
getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The  act of buying a house, which renders the subject 
financially impotent for an  indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very,  very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic  wit and the 
person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take  coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n):  Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This  one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody  is sending off all these 
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth  explodes and it's like, a 
serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The  grueling event of getting through the day 
consuming only things that are  good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12.  Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when 
they  come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance  performed just after you've 
accidentally walked through a spider  web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets  into your 
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15.  Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the 
fruit  you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus  (n): A person who's both stupid and an  asshole.