[Rhodes22-list] CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY (Humor)

Leland LKUHN at cnmc.org
Wed Mar 16 13:54:53 EDT 2011


A few more:

Virginity is like bubble—one prick, all gone.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano.  Wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways always going to Bangkok.

Baseball is wrong.  Man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the
kind of chick he marries.  

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt
that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she
will never turn into an old nag.

On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the
present.

 Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine

A man’s home is his  castle, in a manor of speaking. 

A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or  death. 

A hangover is the wrath  of grapes. 

When two egotists meet,  it is an I for an I. 

A will is a dead  giveaway.

In a democracy your  vote counts but in feudalism  your count votes. 

She was engaged to a  boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off. 

If you don’t pay your  exorcist, you get repossessed. 

When women get married they get a new name and a dress. 

The man who fell into  an upholstery machine is fully recovered. 

You feel stuck with  your debt if you can’t budge it. 

Tainted money taint yours and it taint  mine. 

A boiled egg in the  morning is hard to beat. 

A photographic  memory may  never be developed. 

Those who get too big  for their britches will be exposed in the end. 

Once you’ve seen one  shopping center, you’ve seen a mall. 

Bakers trade bread  recipes on a knead-to-know basis. 

Santa’s helpers are  subordinate clauses. 

Acupuncture is a jab  well done. 

A transvestite is a guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Two Mexicans playing basketball are Juan on Juan.

A Yankee is the same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

The difference between a Harley and a Hoover is the position of the dirt
bag.

When the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over you can see his doughnuts.

Air is a lot like sex because it's no big deal unless you're not getting
any.

A smart blonde is usually a golden retriever.

The difference between a girlfriend and wife is about 45 lbs.

The difference between a boyfriend and husband is about 45 minutes.

Bunnies make noise when they have sex because they have cotton balls.

Dyslexic Rabbis walk around saying "Yo."

A pantry full of lesbians is called a licker cabinet. 
 
An Eskimo lesbian is called a Klondyke. 
 
A 100 lesbians with guns are called a Militia Etheridge. 
 
Two lesbians in a canoe are called fur traders. 
 
A lesbian dinosaur called a Lickalotapuss. 
 
A lesbian with long fingers is called well hung. 
 
A Ritz cracker is a snack cracker, but a lesbian is a crack snacker.
 
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted  in  Linoleum
Blownapart.

 I wondered why the baseball  was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 Police were called to a  daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

 Did you hear about the guy whose  whole left side was cut off?  He's all
right  now.

 The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He
had eaten too much pi.

 To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

 The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.

 A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months

 The thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened
criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

 We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

 When the smog lifts in Los  Angeles , U C L  A.

 The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

 The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

 If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

 A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

 Time flies like an arrow;  fruit flies like a banana.

 A backward poet writes inverse.

 A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

 When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

 He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

 A plateau is a high form of flattery

 When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be
an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Two silk worms had a race and ended up in a tie.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the
other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. 
Practice safe eating - always use condiments. 
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. 
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. 
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. 
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. 
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired. 
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under. 
Every calendar's days are numbered. 





BruceChisholm wrote:
> 
> 
> 
> Here's another one: 
> 
> 
> 
> Man who pass gas in church, sit in own pew. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: R22RumRunner at aol.com 
> To: rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org 
> Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 1:09:12 PM 
> Subject: [Rhodes22-list] CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY (Humor) 
> 
> 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> 
>   
> 
> CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY 
> 
> 
> Man who wants  pretty nurse, must be patient. 
> 
> Passionate kiss, like  spider web, leads to undoing of fly. 
> 
> Lady who goes  camping must beware of evil intent. 
> 
> Squirrel who runs up  woman's' leg will not find nuts. 
> 
> Man who leaps off cliff  jumps to conclusion. 
> 
> Man who runs in front of car gets  tired, man who runs behind car  gets 
> exhausted. 
> 
> Man who eats many prunes get  good run for money. 
> 
> War does not determine who is right,  it determines who is left. 
> 
> Man who fight with wife all  day get no piece at night. 
> 
> It takes many nails to build a  crib, but one screw to fill it. 
> 
> Man who drives like hell  is bound to get 
> there. 
> 
> Man who stands on toilet  is high on pot. 
> 
> Man who live in glass house should change  clothes in basement. 
> 
> Man who fish in other man's well  often catch crabs. 
> 
> Finally 
> CONFUCIUS SAY. ..  . 
> 
> "A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger  Wood!" 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> __________________________________________________ 
> To subscribe/unsubscribe go to
> http://www.rhodes22.org/mailman/listinfo/rhodes22-list 
> 
> For the list Charter and help with using the mailing list and archives go
> to http://www.rhodes22.org/list 
> __________________________________________________ 
> __________________________________________________
> To subscribe/unsubscribe go to
> http://www.rhodes22.org/mailman/listinfo/rhodes22-list
> 
> For the list Charter and help with using the mailing list and archives go
> to http://www.rhodes22.org/list
> __________________________________________________
> 
> 

-- 
View this message in context: http://old.nabble.com/CONFUCIUS-DIDN%27T-SAY-%28Humor%29-tp31146982p31165928.html
Sent from the Rhodes 22 mailing list archive at Nabble.com.




More information about the Rhodes22-list mailing list