[Rhodes22-list] Funny Obituary

[Brad Haslett]

This may be the best every obituary!  Here's the link to the original in the
Richmond Times-Dispatch.


http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=18382676


      Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark
<http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/Guestbook.asp?Page=GuestBook&PersonID=18382676>
 Frederic
Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's
courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost
his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006. True to
Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical
personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained
with God to look over his wife and kids. He loved his family. His heart beat
faster when his wife of 37 years Alice Rennie Clark entered the room and
saddened a little when she left. His legacy was the good works performed by
his sons, Frederic Arthur Clark III and Andrew Douglas Clark MD, PhD., along
with Andy's wife, Sara Morgan Clark. Fred's back straightened and chest
puffed out when he heard the Star Spangled Banner and his eyes teared when
he heard Amazing Grace. He wouldn't abide self important tight *censored*.
Always an interested observer of politics, particularly what the process
does to its participants, he was amused by politician's outrage when we lie
to them and amazed at what the voters would tolerate. His final wishes were
"throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers" (though it seems to make little
difference). During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and
tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had
a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always
knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His
sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt". When his family
was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred
never peed in the shower - on purpose. He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was
deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the
way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date to include his wife,
Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU cocktail party. In lieu of
flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store
or Virginia winery (please, nothing French - the *censored*) and get rip
roaring drunk at home with someone you love or hope to make love to. Word of
caution though, don't go out in public to drink because of the alcohol
related laws our elected officials have passed due to their inexplicable
terror at the sight of a MADD lobbyist and overwhelming compulsion to meddle
in our lives. No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be
held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Midlothian, Va. Email
fredsmemory at yahoo.com for more information. Fred's ashes will be fired from
his favorite cannon at a private party on the Great Wicomico River where he
had a home for 25 years. Additionally, all of Fred's friend (sic) will be
asked to gather in a phone booth, to be designated in the future, to have a
drink and wonder, "Fred who?"
Published in the Richmond Times-Dispatch on 7/9/2006.
Notice<http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Notice&PersonID=18382676>•
Guest Book<http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/GuestBook.asp?Page=GuestBook&PersonID=18382676>•
Flowers<http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/DeathNotices.asp?Page=FlowersAndGifts&PersonID=18382676>•
Gift
Shop <http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/Condolences.asp?PersonId=18382676>•
Charities<http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Charities&PersonID=18382676>
   Today's Richmond Times-Dispatch death
notices<http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/DeathNotices.asp>
------------------------------

   <http://www.legacy.com/>