[Rhodes22-list] those who can identify...raise your hands...

[elle]

I'd imagine that many folks are feeling as the lady below..
elle




Funny 
Snow Story 
   
   
   
December 8 6:00 Pm 
It started to snow. The first snow of the season 
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching 
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses 
print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love 
snow!

December 9 
We woke to a 
beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. 
What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? 
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!  Shoveled for the first time 
in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the 
sidewalks. 
 
This afternoon the snowplow came 
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to 
shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12 
The sun has melted all 
our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-we'll 
definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says 
we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow 
again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our 
neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 
inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything 
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the 
driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! 

The snowplow came back this 
afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite 
this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I 
wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van 
and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra 
shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the 
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in
 Alaska , after 
all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my *** on the ice in 
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, 
which I think was very cruel.

December 17
It is still way below freezing. 
Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile 
the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to 
irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. 
God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own 
livingroom!

December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 
inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn 
snowplow came by twice. 
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they 
said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only 
hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might 
have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel 
or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white 
Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold, 
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to 
go out to shovel and then I had to ****. By the time I got undressed, ****ed and 
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on 
his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the 
******* is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of 
snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of 
the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! 
Why didn't she tell me to do 
that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 
24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I 
was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that 
snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death 
with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to 
finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and 
throws snow all over where I've just been! 
Tonight the wife wanted me to 
sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy 
watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25
Merry f---ing 
Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in! The idea of 
shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! 
Then the snowplow 
driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. 
The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have 
to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the 
microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. 
Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on 
my nerves.

December 27
Temperature 
dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for 
him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above 
-20. Still snowed in. The ***** is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 
more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the 
silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 
30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for 
a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to 
shove the broken snow shovel up his ***. The wife went home to her mother. Nine 
more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to 
what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feels so good. 
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the 
bed?